Tag Archives: humor

10 Things I Can’t Do

**Linking up with MamaKat today: share 10 things you can’t do**

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1.) This is the most famous thing in our family that I can’t do. It’s famous because I’m so notoriously bad at it, it’s comical. I can’t figure things out. For example, I could never, under any circumstances, put anything together. No joke. Not even something simple like training wheels on a bike and definitely not any Ikea furniture. My brain just doesn’t work that way.

2.) I can’t use tools. Everyone makes fun of me for this one too after I asked Matthew, then 5, which one was the wrench…and he knew. Then he showed me how to use it….because I didn’t know how. How I ended up not knowing this after growing up with a carpenter father is beyond me. Maybe something to delve into in therapy?

3.) Not only am I bad at this one, I am officially not allowed to do this one in our house: hang anything on walls. I’ve never learned how to so I just guesstimate where the nail should go…and then keep trying until I get it right. This results in way too many holes. So I’m not allowed.

4.) I can’t sing a note. I sound like the seagull from The Little Mermaid. I’ve always wanted to be good at it because I love to sing. But, alas, I’m awful.

5.) Even though I’m really good at doing Olivia’s hair, I am completely unable to do anything with my own hair. This is part of the reason why my hair is short. Short hair I can do…long hair? Not so much. Plus I totally rock the short hair look. 😉

6.) I am getting better at this one but, so far in life, I am not good with confrontations. I usually get so mad I cry and then I lose all credibility. But I’m getting better in my old age!

7.) If the kids need help with math, English or social studies, I am on it! If they need help with science? They’ll need to go ask Dad. I’ve never been good a science. It’s rather pathetic how little I know in this arena.

8.) In that same vein, I never had to learn US geography, and we didn’t travel at all growing up, and now I can barely locate 20 states on the map. I’ve learned more in the past 10 years of traveling with my family than all the years leading up to it. But I still have to stop and think which one is Indiana and which one is Illinois. And don’t even ask me to do the east coast or all of the states in the middle.

9.) You all know I’m an avid reader. But I can’t read the classics. Every summer I grab The Great Gatsby and Grapes of Wrath and tell myself that I’m going to read them all…and enjoy them! But four pages in I remember why I didn’t like them in high school and I quit. I like fluffy reads where someone gets kidnapped and murdered. So sue me.

10.) I can’t ever keep up with the cleaning and the laundry. Duh!!!

What is something you can’t do?

Olivia’s Rule Book

Ever since Olivia “farmer blowed” her nose in public and Matt said “You know Olivia, rule #1 in how to make friends and influence people is not to farmer blow your nose in public!” to which she responded “What’s rule #2??” We thought it was so funny that we haven’t been able to let it go. Every time she does something inappropriate, we add it to the rule book. The boys and Olivia (and Matt and I) think it’s hilarious. Here’s what we’ve come up with so far:

Rule #1: Don’t farmer blow your nose. For those of you unaware of what a farmer blow is, it’s when you push one side of your nose in and blow out the other side…without a kleenex.

Rule #2: This one is similar to #1. Don’t pick your nose. This is Olivia’s new and lovely nervous habit. So when she’s standing in front of a crowd, say getting an award, she’ll pick her nose. And then eat it.

Rule #3: Ask before you kiss. Olivia loves to give kisses. But guess what? Kindergarten and 4th grade boys alike do not like kisses. Even if they love Olivia.

Rule #4: Treat grown-ups with respect. She got in big trouble at school the other day because she kept calling the teachers by their first name. She even walked up to the principal and said “HEY JOHN!”. The boys were horrified. She laughed. It’s awfully cute, but still not ok. The boys were even more horrified when we went swimming at the Y last week and she walked right up to the sheriff that was in the lobby, pointed at his chest and said “YOU’RE FIRED!” and then giggled. He responded with “Who are you, Donald Trump?” and a smile. She’s just so cute that it’s easy for her to get away with it!

Rule #5: Clothes are not optional. She still has a bad habit of getting naked when she gets home from school…regardless of whether or not we have a houseful of boys.

These are the rules we have so far. We’ll keep adding as we go. What’s in your rule book?