Stop. Start.

I advocated for myself and my health. That was HUGE for me. I’ve been feeling off for a while, even before my cancer diagnosis. But, of course, it took a backseat while I was going through treatment. And after treatment? I felt worse. My depression has been terrible; I know it’s normal after going through something so traumatic, but it was bad even for that. I was exhausted constantly. I had gained weight, which was normal for the type of breast cancer I had, but couldn’t lose an ounce no matter how hard I tried. But because I’m GREAT at faking it, I just kept going. I didn’t have time to worry about myself. I had lessons to plan, kids to take to activities, household duties to perform, and on and on. Until I couldn’t take it anymore.

I found a new endocrinologist. I got new meds. I feel so much better. I haven’t lost much weight, but this might just be my new normal. I am in pseudo-menopause, you know. But you know what’s different this time? I’m beginning to be ok with it. I am not constantly exhausted and my depression is better. I feel…back to normal. It feels so good.

I have said this every year since…1990? I’m going to stop berating myself for not being perfect. But I think this year is my year. I feel like I might be able to silence the demons in my head.

STOP:

Trying to be perfect

Worrying about my looks

Comparing myself to others

Trying to lose weight

Trying to have the perfect body

Wishing I had my old body

Feeling lazy if I’m not constantly busy

Feeling guilty…for everything

Talking negatively to myself constantly

Feeling like I don’t measure up…as a mother, a wife, a friend, a teacher, a daughter, a sister

Putting myself last

Going and going until I feel like I might collapse.

You know what I’m going to do?

I’m going to START:

Practicing gratefulness for everything I have

Saying positive things about myself

Take time just for me

Rest when I’m tired

Eat because I’m hungry, to nourish, to be healthy

Work out because it makes me feel good and not to punish myself

Being proud of myself for everything I am

Remembering that I’m a freaking warrior for everything I’ve been through and all I still have do deal with

Loving the crap out of this life I’m blessed to live.

What are you going to stop this year…and what will you start?

 

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One response to “Stop. Start.

  1. Love your message Tiffany! Everyone needs to heed this advice. It would make the world a much better place for all of us! I was blessed to have a doctor who took my concerns seriously many years ago and help me address my anxiety and panic disorder! My medication saved my life and allowed me to live again without constant panic and fear…Hoping you feel better and better with each passing day. You are a gift to all who know you and you make this crazy world a better place just for being in it.

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