I advocated for myself and my health. That was HUGE for me. I’ve been feeling off for a while, even before my cancer diagnosis. But, of course, it took a backseat while I was going through treatment. And after treatment? I felt worse. My depression has been terrible; I know it’s normal after going through something so traumatic, but it was bad even for that. I was exhausted constantly. I had gained weight, which was normal for the type of breast cancer I had, but couldn’t lose an ounce no matter how hard I tried. But because I’m GREAT at faking it, I just kept going. I didn’t have time to worry about myself. I had lessons to plan, kids to take to activities, household duties to perform, and on and on. Until I couldn’t take it anymore.
I found a new endocrinologist. I got new meds. I feel so much better. I haven’t lost much weight, but this might just be my new normal. I am in pseudo-menopause, you know. But you know what’s different this time? I’m beginning to be ok with it. I am not constantly exhausted and my depression is better. I feel…back to normal. It feels so good.
I have said this every year since…1990? I’m going to stop berating myself for not being perfect. But I think this year is my year. I feel like I might be able to silence the demons in my head.
Trying to be perfect
Worrying about my looks
Comparing myself to others
Trying to lose weight
Trying to have the perfect body
Wishing I had my old body
Feeling lazy if I’m not constantly busy
Feeling guilty…for everything
Talking negatively to myself constantly
Feeling like I don’t measure up…as a mother, a wife, a friend, a teacher, a daughter, a sister
Putting myself last
Going and going until I feel like I might collapse.
You know what I’m going to do?
I’m going to START:
Practicing gratefulness for everything I have
Saying positive things about myself
Take time just for me
Rest when I’m tired
Eat because I’m hungry, to nourish, to be healthy
Work out because it makes me feel good and not to punish myself
Being proud of myself for everything I am
Remembering that I’m a freaking warrior for everything I’ve been through and all I still have do deal with
Loving the crap out of this life I’m blessed to live.
What are you going to stop this year…and what will you start?