I Need This

My BFF told me she missed my blog the other day.

You do? I asked.

Yes! I love your writing. You have important things to say.

I do? I asked.

Yes! You’re so good at it. You have a gift. You’re inspiring. You need to share that.

I am? I do? I am? I should? I asked.

YES!!!

I am constantly doubting myself in everything. I’m 41 and I still don’t think I’m good enough. Especially at this. I have been needing and wanting to write but every time I sit down I have too much to say and I don’t think I’m going to say it right so I just don’t. But when your BFF and your therapist tell you that you should, you listen.

So here I am. I’m going to make sure I set a little time away for myself to write each week. Maybe multiple times each week, we’ll see.

Things have been so up and down for me. The mental recovery from cancer is not easy. Getting used to this new body while recovering from an eating disorder is not easy. Parenting teenagers is not easy. Parenting a teenager with special needs is not easy. Being a teacher is not easy.

You know what is easy?

Summer. Being married to my best friend. Having three children who are my sun and moon. Reading. Going on vacation. Making Olivia smile with pure joy. Swimming. Binge watching shows. Taking naps. Spending time with my friends. Long bike rides. Lifting weights. Manicures. Ice cream. Listening to Matthew tell stories and making me laugh. Watching Gabe become a man. Being loved.

So for right now, I’m focusing on what’s easy. I’m remembering to enjoy and love each moment that I am so blessed to have. And I’m writing. For me. If it’s not good enough, so be it. I just need this.