I had my very last cancer treatment this week.
I’m all done.
I know there are people who have been through, and who continue to go through, much worse that what I went through but these last 15 months have been really exhausting, emotionally draining and difficult. To be able to say I’m done feels amazing.
It was funny because everything hit me while Matt and I were eating lunch right after my port removal surgery. All of a sudden I looked at him and said “I’m done!” and I started laughing hysterically and then crying. It was overwhelming to think of all I had been through and that I was finally finished.
Emotionally it’s been tough. It’s difficult to keep your mind in the right headspace when you’ve been through something so traumatic. Your mind wants you to be scared, to constantly wonder if it will come back, to worry. It feels almost like tempting fate to say “I’m done.”
There’s always a fork in the road when these major life events happen. Right now I have to choose between being happy and proud that I’m done and filled with hope that I’m going to be fine, or I can go down the road of fear and worry. I refuse to live in fear. Even though it would be totally normal and acceptable, I just won’t live like that. So I’m choosing to go down the road of happy and proud and hope.
So that’s it. 15 months of surgery, chemo and radiation finished. I did it. I made it.
Now on to life!! I know there will be bad days, days where I get a headache and wonder if it’s cancer; I know, for me, it’s a long road emotionally of dealing with who I am now and who I want to be. But I’m ready for it. Totally ready.
I CAN. I DID. END OF STORY.