In tandem with my previous post about how much having cancer sucks, I will tell you that over the past year I’ve never felt so incredibly loved. I struggle with feeling loved. I really do. I always think I love everyone so much but don’t feel worthy of their love in return. I always think they don’t love me as much as I love them.
This year has taught me that I am, indeed, incredibly loved.
My friends have brought meals. They’ve made t-shirts for fundraisers. They’ve held a kick-ass fundraiser event. They’ve sent cards. They’ve dropped off treats and flowers when I was feeling down. They’ve sent texts just to check in. My family has done laundry, cleaned the house, cared for the kids, gone to the grocery store. My friends and family have rearranged their schedule to take me to chemo. My family and I have been included in an immense amount of prayers. It’s been overwhelming in a wonderful way.
It’s hard for me to believe sometimes that everyone has done this for me. For us. But I am very blessed to feel so incredibly loved. I’ll never be able to pay it back. I gave up writing thank you notes the first week in. I sent texts and Facebook messages but I’m a handwritten thank you note girl. I felt bad about it for a while and then I just let it go. Because it wasn’t possible for me to keep up. So my plan is to pay it forward. I’m planning on 30 random acts of kindness to pay it forward. I’ve had two surgeries, by the time April 2016 gets here I will have had 25 chemo treatments and I had 26 radiation treatments so I rounded up to 30. It will in no way shape or form pay anyone back for everything they’ve done for me and the way they’ve loved me and my family so deeply. But it’s something small I can do to pay it forward.
Thank you, everyone, for making me feel incredibly loved over this past year. I love you too.