To all of you cancer warriors, or loved ones of cancer warriors, I would like to announce that I’m calling BULLSHIT on this quote and other quotes like these. I read these and I think “What the hell is wrong with me? I don’t think my cancer is a blessing. This has been a terrible year. Am I weird?” The answer to that is no. I’m not wrong, or weird, or abnormal. I know, I just know, I’m not the only one who doesn’t see having cancer as a blessing.
It’s been rough on my marriage.
It’s been rough on the kids.
It’s been rough on my Mom, my sister, my BFF, my friends.
It’s made me feel even more alone.
It’s made me gain 20 pounds from the meds.
It’s made my eating disorder rear its horribly ugly head again.
It’s made me feel like shit for the last year. Every day.
It’s made me face my own mortality and be scared shitless about it.
It’s made me bald and feel ugly.
It’s made me use a hell of a lot of sick days.
It’s made me do a lot of lesson plans for subs (which if you’re a teacher you know is a GIANT pain in the ass).
It’s made me miss out on so many days and events and happenings.
It’s given me acid reflux and hot flashes and a deformed left breast.
It’s given me so much worry that it might come back and with a vengeance.
It’s made me feel like “bizarro Tiffany”…not anything like myself.
It’s been a giant pain in the ass. I’ve hated every minute of it. I don’t see it as a blessing.
“Oh! But didn’t it make you appreciate life and the small things?”
I already did that, thank you.
“Oh! But didn’t it make you realize how strong you are?”
I already knew that, thank you.
So to all of you cancer warriors, stand up with me and say “Having cancer sucks big time” and don’t feel one bit bad about it.
Thank you, Tiffany, for your voice. xo
Yup. It sucks. I’ve been cancer-free since January 21. And my last treatment was September 22. And it still sucks. And it gets better all the time, but it seems like every time I think it’s over, it’s not. I’m still 30 pounds heavier. I think I’ve aged 10 years this last year. I still have neuropathy and joint pain and sensitivity to cold. And every time I start to feel like I am free I have another injury. I am a lot weaker than I used to be. It sucks. But you know what? I’ll take it. I’m here for my kids and my husband and my family and my friends and my students and their families and…my life. I’ll take it. Everything comes with a price. This life has got a hefty price tag. Yours does too. And it’s worth it.