***repost from 2010…because I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately!***
I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage lately. Several marriages in my inner circle have fallen apart for various reasons. It makes me so sad for everyone involved. I think a lot of people that know us think we have the “perfect” marriage. But we don’t. We have a regular, old marriage that we work hard to make so good. Every time I write a post about my husband, I feel like I should add a little P.S. He is wonderful; he’s the best husband I could have ever imagined. We DO have a great marriage. But we work really hard at it. We’ve had some really rough times. Luckily, we didn’t give up, we were able to work through it and came out stronger on the other side. But I’m here to tell you, marriage is hard work. And before you get mad at me, I definitely think there are valid reasons to get a divorce. Very valid. But sometimes I think people give up too easily.
I’m sure Matt doesn’t love getting up early every morning to make coffee, make the kids breakfast, empty the dishwasher, make lunches and get them ready for school. I’m sure he’d rather sleep in a little longer, watch Sports Center longer and have some more time for himself. But he sacrifices because it makes me happy. Because it makes the morning go smoother. Because it’s better for our family.
I’m sure Matt doesn’t always want to play with the kids when he gets home from work after spending all day teaching hundreds of elementary kids the basics of physical education. But my kids don’t ever know that. They think he lives and breathes to spend time with them. Because when he gets home (after his snack!), he’s all ours. He’ll play catch, he’ll get on YouTube with them, he’ll play games. He’s present.
There are times when I don’t feel like talking, don’t feel like making dinner, don’t feel like playing with the kids. But I do it anyway. There are times when I want more romance, more spontaneity, more of him. But it’s just not always possible. I also have redefined ideas of romance. When he brings me my coffee in the morning, he might as well be bringing me a big bouquet of roses. That’s romantic. When he texts me something naughty (sorry Mom!) during the day, that is my bed full of rose petals. When he plans a day just for the two of us, arranging a sitter and everything, that’s spontaneous and romantic. When I watch him play with the kids and be a good father, that makes me swoon. After dinner every night, when he says “Thank you for such a good dinner!” and makes the kids say it too, that’s my Hallmark card. When he kisses me and tells me he loves me every night before he goes to sleep, that makes my heart melt. I know I matter to him. I know I’m important to him. He doesn’t take me for granted. And I don’t take him for granted either.
I think it’s one of the great untold mysteries of the world: marriage is hard work. No one told me that before I got married. I was completely taken by surprise. You think that being in love is all that matters. But it’s not. It takes a lot of effort to make a marriage work, to make it good, to make it a real partnership. I’m more proud of my marriage than anything else. Because if I didn’t have a strong marriage, we wouldn’t have a strong family. Marriage is everything. I’m proud to say that Matt and I work really hard at it. It’s definitely our number one priority. So when I post about him, remember that. Remember that we work hard to make it so good.