Never Enough

How do you get to this place of never enough?

I wake up in the morning and the first thought that pops in my head is I didn’t get enough sleep.

Never enough.

I weigh myself and, even if it’s a good number, I want more. If I lose 15 pounds, I want 20. If I lose 20, 30 sounds even better.

Never enough.

The days fly by and drags on at the same time. Olivia acts up, demands my constant attention and there’s not enough of my patience to go around. The boys have demands and stories and needs and I feel all dried up as if I have spent it all and have nothing left.

Never enough.

It’s time to make dinner, soon homework and practice and meetings and pack lunches and grade papers and I already know that there won’t be enough of me to go around.

Never enough.

This time of year is so expensive. Back to school supplies, school fees, clothes, backpacks, soccer fees, classroom supplies, endless. And we still need a dishwasher, a TV, furniture for the basement, a computer.

Never enough.

I eat ridiculously healthy 99% of the time, I workout, but I still don’t have the body I want or feel like I should have.

Never enough.

I’m having writer’s block where I sit down to write a blogpost and nothing comes to mind. Does anyone even read this anymore? Does it matter?

Never enough.

By the time it’s our turn, Matt and I, we’re both exhausted and worn out.

Never enough.

I don’t have enough golfers, hole sponsors, silent auction items, everything for my golf outing this weekend. I feel like a loser and a disappointment.

Never enough.

Our summer bucket list is woefully uncrossed off. All of the things I had planned didn’t get done, yet I feel like I’ve done boing but entertain for the last 8 weeks.

Never enough.

Some days I can focus on all the good and the wonderment that is this life that we are lucky to have. But others? I just want to crawl back under the covers.

Never enough.

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12 responses to “Never Enough

  1. I read it every time! Not only that, but I get seriously pumped when my newsfeed on fb alerts me to a new post πŸ™‚

    That said, I wish I could put my hand on your shoulder and say, “I feel you, girl.” This never enough business is tough stuff to shake. Your line about waking up after a crappy nights sleep and berating yourself for not getting a full nights rest really resonated with me.

  2. We should get together. I have the same thoughts. Except – What you lost 15 pounds? Jesus, I don’t think I’ve lost more than 1, but then I don’t know since I’m still in a fight with my lying scale. It’s such a liar. What were we talking about?
    Oh right, I completely understand. There’s never enough time, money, patience, good moments, chocolate to go around. But somehow we make it. Except the chocolate. There’s never enough.

    • Tiffany Townsend

      We should get together over a glass of wine and commiserate! πŸ˜‰  Have a great day!!Tiffanywww.elastamom.com

  3. One thing there is enough of is people who care about you, who are inspired by you DAILY and who appreciate your honesty in every single post. The one thing there is always enough of are wonderful things to say about you: you are beautiful, kind, loving, honest, loyal, funny, an amazing mother & wife, a generous friend, great teacher……I am exhausted thinking of all these things! I am taking a break and coming back later! ❀

  4. I read!! And I totally get you. Just so exhausted all the time, can it only be me who can’t handle everything??

  5. I feel the same way all the time!
    I promise I’m mailing the check for Olivia’s openTODAY πŸ™‚ Look for it by Friday for sure πŸ™‚
    Also- You are a TERRIFIC mother and who cares if not everything is crossed off the list. That’s why I count summer until after Labor Day and not when school starts or who knows- we might even being doing our summer to do list stuff in October πŸ˜‰ AND you are pretty and you don’t need to lose any weight at all!

    2

  6. I think it’s a sign of a devoted m

  7. I think it is a sign of a devoted mother to feel this way.
    As I was typing this my Phone auto corrected my spelling to read ” sigh of a devoured mother”!!!

    You are my favorite writer.

    Please look after yourself. You sound so exhausted. Please reach out to your family and trusted loved ones to keep the children for you for a day. You need to slowly adjust from summer to school season again.
    Give yourself a break.
    Seriously.
    Your writing is brilliant.
    I want to buy you a dishwasher.
    Love,
    Heather

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