I Feel

I feel deeply and strongly and overwhelmingly and constantly. There are days when my feelings threaten to overwhelm me…because of joy or despair. My friends and loved ones know, if you look at my face, you know how I feel. I don’t have a mask.

At times I fall into the why-me-life-is-too-hard-I-can’t-take-this-anymore despair and I feel like I won’t be able to come up for air. Why is everything so hard? Why can’t one thing in my life be easy? Why? Why? Why?

I take a deep breath. I let the pain and the anguish wash over me. I feel. I don’t fight it. Fighting it does nothing for me except delay the inevitable breakdown. So I feel it. I let the anger, the fear, the unknown, the pain, the anxiety, the bitterness wash over me like a pounding summer rain. Then I take another deep breath and let it out. The pain is behind me and, although it’s not gone, it’s diminished.

Then I let a little light in. Then more. Then more. And before I know it, I have forgotten the knives of pain and all I feel is overwhelming joy. I have everything I need. I am blessed beyond measure. I look around at my amazing husband, my marvelous children, my wonderful mother and I smile. We are healthy, we are fed, we have a roof over our heads and, most important of all, we are deeply, deeply loved. In this moment, the only one that matters, there is love. Nothing else matters.

I feel…and I’m ok with that.

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6 responses to “I Feel

  1. If only I could you words as you do- then maybe I could explain how your words speak to my soul. You are blessed also that you are who YOU are. Amazing….

  2. feeling deeply is a blessing and a curse!

    your children and husband are lucky that you feel so deeply, though – extra love, understanding, tenderness, etc 🙂

  3. Sometimes I think that feeling the dark and heavy stuff allows us to appreciate the light and transcendent stuff more. So you go right on feeling exactly what you need to feel and we’ll keep on reading and crying and laughing right along with you. xo

  4. What a great post! It’s soooo true we must feel to allow us to let it go. I have had a very rough week and yesterday was my breakdown moment and today I woke up feeling myself again. You are so much stronger thatn you think and your strength gives alot of us the strength we need to tackle our dark moments. Thanks for being so real!

  5. I also have trouble dealing with the feeling too much. The pendulum is something I talk about often – the swing between sadness and happiness – I think both are essential for us to appreciate life.

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