Last week I was nervous to post this about how unlike myself I’ve been feeling lately. Every time I worry about a post like that, I think how it might help someone else to not feel so alone if they are feeling the same way. I always like to know I’m not alone. Sometimes I think it helps just to get it out too. It does.
Over the last week I can feel myself coming back to normal a little bit. I have a little more patience, I’ve laughed a few more times, I feel a little more like myself every day. It’s nice to realize I’m not totally gone. This weekend was really wonderful. And not just because it was Mother’s Day. We had a super busy, but fun, weekend and I didn’t want to retreat to my room and sleep. I was solo-parenting for most of the weekend and I wasn’t anxious or angry about it. I enjoyed it instead.
The kids and I laughed. I jumped on the trampoline. We planted flowers and went for a bike ride. We rehashed the soccer game including how I gave a Dad on the opposing team a look of death when he yelled at Gabe inappropriately. He moved away from me after that; it made me smile. Don’t mess with Mama Bear. Especially over a 4th grade soccer game. Olivia was so good this weekend it was unreal. Or maybe I just have more patience. Either way, I’m thankful.
Yesterday the boys and I went for a bike ride around the neighborhood. I found myself riding along with my boys having a nonstop conversation and laughing. Laughing and laughing and laughing. I was there. I was in the moment just soaking up my boys. Somehow we got on the topic of having kids and what they would name them. You’ll be happy to know I’m someday going to be the grandma of boys named Max and Sam and girls named Dot, Michi and Sushi. I just hope their wives are OK with those names. I was listening to them talk about the future, watching them ride their bikes and knowing that there is no other place I’d rather be.
All I know is that, even though I’m not 100%, I can feel myself slowly coming back. And that makes me so happy.