Olivia’s Rule Book

Ever since Olivia “farmer blowed” her nose in public and Matt said “You know Olivia, rule #1 in how to make friends and influence people is not to farmer blow your nose in public!” to which she responded “What’s rule #2??” We thought it was so funny that we haven’t been able to let it go. Every time she does something inappropriate, we add it to the rule book. The boys and Olivia (and Matt and I) think it’s hilarious. Here’s what we’ve come up with so far:

Rule #1: Don’t farmer blow your nose. For those of you unaware of what a farmer blow is, it’s when you push one side of your nose in and blow out the other side…without a kleenex.

Rule #2: This one is similar to #1. Don’t pick your nose. This is Olivia’s new and lovely nervous habit. So when she’s standing in front of a crowd, say getting an award, she’ll pick her nose. And then eat it.

Rule #3: Ask before you kiss. Olivia loves to give kisses. But guess what? Kindergarten and 4th grade boys alike do not like kisses. Even if they love Olivia.

Rule #4: Treat grown-ups with respect. She got in big trouble at school the other day because she kept calling the teachers by their first name. She even walked up to the principal and said “HEY JOHN!”. The boys were horrified. She laughed. It’s awfully cute, but still not ok. The boys were even more horrified when we went swimming at the Y last week and she walked right up to the sheriff that was in the lobby, pointed at his chest and said “YOU’RE FIRED!” and then giggled. He responded with “Who are you, Donald Trump?” and a smile. She’s just so cute that it’s easy for her to get away with it!

Rule #5: Clothes are not optional. She still has a bad habit of getting naked when she gets home from school…regardless of whether or not we have a houseful of boys.

These are the rules we have so far. We’ll keep adding as we go. What’s in your rule book?

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8 responses to “Olivia’s Rule Book

  1. we call it snot rockets…
    and yeah, I’m totally guilty…
    and I too strip down when I get home, but I keep a shirt and undies on…
    oh, and I love to pick my nose, bit I don’t eat it…
    sounds like Olivia and I could hang..

  2. just yesterday ava picked her nose and then held it out to me. she said, “mommy…i eat it??” i told her no and that it was yucky. before i could wipe her finger off, she ate it and then said, “mmmmm, yummy!” i have a feeling that kid’s going to be trouble 😉 i’ll have to work on my farmer nose blowing. since i live on a farm and recently drove a tractor for the first time, i oughta just go ahead and complete the stereotype! does olivia give lessons??? 😉

  3. These rules are awesome. My Olivia has a thing about nudity too. She’s all about ‘naked butt cheeks.’ I often have to remind her that we don’t show strangers our naked butt cheeks. She finds that rule hysterical. She’s also got a rule about no lipstick at school. She has to wait a few years for that. I did compromise with her and will let her wear lip gloss and fingernail polish if we’re having a good potty week.

  4. We always called #1 soccer blowed. My daughter played the sport throughout school and that’s all you can do on the field. The rest of the list is great too. A true “life lessons” list of rules.

  5. hilarious!! Totally made me smile.

  6. I am taking notes here. We need those very same rules!

  7. We have no social rules. Unless you count The Penis Rules. Which I hope you don’t need. I’m working on house rules, which we have, but I want them to sound cool so I can put them up. Cool as in well-written and clever. Not Cool as in “go ahead and throw the ball in the house, hit your brother, and eat ice cream for dinner.”

  8. No peeing in the back yard. No flashing the neighbors when getting dressed in the morning or undressed at night. No pointing your penis at your brother and threatening to pee on him.
    Yep, that about covers it 😉

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