Badge of Honor or Cross to Bear?

**I’ve recently been chatting with some new families with children with Cri du Chat…and have wanted to share some of my older posts that I think are worthwhile. Here’s another from 2009.**

Something I’ve been noticing and really thinking about lately is how people handle adversity in their life. Whether it’s something big, such as your child having medical needs, special needs, death, divorce, bad childhood, etc., or something small, this list is endless, I just always pay attention to how people handle things. I think you fall into two groups:

Badge of Honor or Cross to Bear

People who fall into the Badge of Honor group know they’ve been dealt a rough hand but pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and move on. They don’t wallow in pity (for too long) and they try to make the best of it. I can honestly say I fall into this category. I think at first, of course, it wasn’t easy…and there are days when it’s still not easy to make sure I stay in this category. I try really hard to live in the moment; to not worry about the past and just pay attention to what’s happening right now. If you try and live this way, you’ll be in the “badge” category because today is today and you’re not worried about what’s going to happen in the future or what’s happened in the past. It’s not easy, but man, don’t you think it makes life better? If you look at your circumstance as something to be proud of, to relish in, to grow from, instead of woe is me, it’s got to be better, right? I think so.

People who fall into the Cross to Bear group get dealt a rough hand and make that their existence. Everything they do, the way they act, decisions they make are all based on the fact that they have this enormous “Cross to Bear”. Trust me, I get it. I could stay in bed every day with the covers over my head because of crap that I have to deal with. Couldn’t many of us? But I don’t. To me, that just sounds miserable. I would miss out on so much of the good along with the sucky. If you fall into this category, I encourage you to get out!! It’s better to be the in the first category I promise. Try it…you may be surprised.

I hope this makes sense….I had an “Aha!” moment when I read “A New Earth” by Eckart Tolle and this woman was talking about how she had lupus and that was her “cross” and defined her for so long. She’d introduce herself to someone new and immediately start talking about her illness….that’s what she had become—an illness. That’s what I’m talking about…do you want to actually be your “Cross” or do you want to have a badge that you wear but don’t flash all the time and be happy?

Just something to think about.


9 responses to “Badge of Honor or Cross to Bear?

  1. I remember reading this the first time. I love it even more today. It is really good timing for me & for my sister-in-law. I shared the link with her. Thanks for once again having a way with words & thoughts. You are an amazing person :o)

  2. Thanks for sharing this one Tiffany. Mostly I lean towards the badge of honour but I know I have been a little guilty at times of being a bit negative. Never about Claire but sometimes I am just exhausted!!

    This reminded me of some advice given to us at a work seminar once by a wise religious brother. He spoke about people dealing with difficult times in their lives – let them have their ‘Good Friday’ in order for them to have their ‘Easter Sunday’. It has stuck with me. Sometimes you just need to grieve and hit the bottom so you can bounce back and see how beautiful life truly is. Sorry for hijacking! Lol

  3. The fact that you regularly and deeply contemplate your role as a mom with a special needs chlld – out of so much love – this is why I love you.

  4. I came here from Holly’s blog (your blog title caught my eye). This is such a true blog & I thank you for reminding me that no matter what the issue, it’s how we look at it that makes the biggest difference. I hope I mostly fall into the “Badge” category. Thanks for sharing. πŸ˜€

  5. I would like to think I wear my badge of honor rather than bear my cross. I absolutely don’t think of Olivia as a cross to bear and I definitely think being a mother to her and her sister is an honor, so there you go. Lovely post as usual.

  6. Sometimes I wonder if it’s easier to stay in the “badge of honor” mentality, even when it is not helping anyone. I love reading and hearing stories about people who refuse to let their struggle define who they are. Because we are so much more than that.
    Very nice reminder. Thank you.

  7. This applies to so very much in life and is such a good reminder for all. Hats off to you for continuing to see the silver lining – even on the tough days.

  8. I love this post and I LOVE “A New Earth!” πŸ™‚ I tend to be like you, Badge of Honor although I would call it a new purpose for us. It’s a different journey than I might have planned, but the other day, I said to someone, if everything or anything for that matter, had been different then I wouldn’t have Q and E, and then my life wouldn’t have been complete, just like you. Lovely, lovely, lovely.

  9. Pingback: Yes, yes and more yes. | Elastamom's Excerpts

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