I Want

I want…

to lose 15 pounds. Don’t yell at me. I’m not fat. But I don’t like this weight at all. So I’m doing it. Luckily for me, Matt wants to lose weight too so we’re doing it together. We’re trying the Dukan method. I’ll let you know if I go insane or not during the first few weeks. Matt will probably lose 20 lbs in two days and then I’ll be a maniacal bitch while I try to lose 5 in a month. We’ll see.

to be able to wear a bikini even if I never will actually do it. See the first statement.

to be able to fall asleep and stay asleep without taking Tylenol PM. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I am so exhausted I can’t stand it and yet I can’t fall asleep. I try reading, saying words over and over again, praying, everything, and nothing works. If I do by some miracle fall asleep, I wake up multiple times throughout the night with tons of thoughts going through my head and I can’t fall back asleep. I’m so sleep-deprived it’s not even funny.

to say yes and no like I mean it. I say yes to too many things that I’d really like to say no to. I need to learn to say no. I don’t need to explain myself, I can just say no. I say yes way too often. It will make those “yes” answers so much more meaningful.

to learn to relax. I’m terrible at relaxing. I love reading and usually do that to relax but I need other methods too. I’m terrible at quiet and doing nothing. Matt got me a “Saturday Survival Kit” for Christmas with gift cards for manicures, pedicures, spray tans, fancy coffee and massages. He won’t let me save them either. He wants to me to use them and use them up now. He’s my biggest champion, I’m telling you. These ought to go a long way in helping me relax don’t you think?

to continue to be nicer to myself. Don’t let me wanting to lose weight fool you. I’m being much nicer to myself these days. I’m going to keep working on that.

to continue to put so much effort into my marriage. It’s hard for me to believe that after almost 14 years of marriage, it just keeps getting better. But it does. And I’m going to continue that trend so we’re the happiest bunch of old folks you’ve ever met.

to continue to make motherhood my number one priority. There are times when I’d like a different job that I would enjoy more. Or spend more time with friends. Or just be alone. And all of those are just fine, but my main focus is my family. I will continue to be the best Mom I know how to be.

to write a book. I have 3 in my head and I need and want to get them on paper. I just don’t do it. I’m going to do it this year.

to get a new camera. I have my eye on one. I’m really enjoying taking photos of the kids and families who have given me the privilege. I want to take it to the next level and I need a new camera. I’m saving right now!

to be thankful for each day. What is that saying? The days are long but the years are short? It’s so true and I don’t want to miss a minute.

What are your “I want” statements for this year? I won’t hold you to them. 😉


13 responses to “I Want

  1. That last line, “I won’t hold you to them.” Made me laugh. I hope you get all of these wants, but most of all I hope you are able to be kind to yourself if you fall short.

    Girl, you need to see a doctor about your sleep problems. I know, I LIVE it!!!

  2. I want to know what camera you are saving for? I just started saving for a better camera as well!

  3. First – Valerian and an over the counter natural sleep pill (Alteril) has helped me immensely with my sleep issues.

    I love your “happiest bunch of old folks you’ve ever met” goal. Love it!

  4. Hmmmm….I want to be as positive as you. And to be as big of a champion of my kids as you are. I don’t feel that I am great at that.

    I want to be less critical of myself and be nicer to “me”! I also want to be more patient in my relationships with my husband and kids. I think that if I can be nicer to me, it will help me be nicer to others.

    I want to lose 15-20 lbs. I have gotten myself to a much better place with this, but I just want those last 15-20 lbs.

    I want to stop “wanting” so much and just be happier all around.

  5. That is a great list. My resolution for this year was to give myself a break and try to relax more. Like you, It is NOT easy for me. I also have a tough time staying asleep. Another good goal and I love that you are making yourself a priority. I have been married 17 years and it does get better but I think making yourself relaxed and happy will actually help your marriage. At least that is what I am hoping for myself.

    Happy new year! I hope you get what you want… (or at least get what you need!)

  6. What a great list, I think my biggest Want revolves around writing. I want to write a book or land a stable writing position.

  7. What camera do you have your eye on?

  8. You are in my head! Yes to all of it! Good luck in achieving all these goals, and you can do it!

  9. my main two….focus more on my kids and my husband. we are at eight years of marriage. i want to have your outlook at 14!! 😉

  10. I have to fall asleep with the tv on or I have the same problem, too many thoughts swirling in my head keeping me up. The tv drowns them out. Also, I’d like to say yes more often. I have no problem with no, it’s the yes I have a hard time with.

  11. You have such worthy goals. Many years ago I resolved not to have resolutions, so I’m glad you’re not holding me to it ! ; )
    Getting enough RESTFUL sleep is my biggest need, otherwise everything else falls apart! I have tried so many things – a regular bedtime routine, warm bath, total darkness, etc., instead of running to the last minute trying to get things done and falling down exhausted with the lights still on (I did that for many years!) was a big help to me. Also, L-Tryptophan (the stuff in turkey and cheese), or a product from Schiff Vitamins called “Knock-Out”, which has a combo of melatonin, theanine and valerian. Or an Rx for Ambien. I have cycled thru all of these in the course of a year. One or another will work better depending on how stressed I am.
    Be good to yourself and get out of that sleep deprivation mode! Then I think all the other things will be easier.

  12. I’m so with you on the saying no thing. I need to do it. I’m going to do it. I’ve done it once or twice already. My other is to do something for me every month. For the next couple it’s my cake decorating class. After that??? who knows.
    I hope you get some sleep, and soon. I’ve been there. It’s awful. Hugs to you.

  13. So much of what you’ve written resonates. I can get to sleep, but can’t stay asleep. I usually have a 2:00 a.m. or 3:00 a.m. wakeup call. And the constant restlessness… I know exactly how that feels. But at least we know it, and are doing something about it ? Maybe?

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