“You will have to make the effort to break old habits and establish new ones. You will have to admit to yourself that your ‘gut feeling’ about things is askew, and unless you learn a better way, you will continue to suffer.”
— Susan Wright
A while ago I posted What If and it seemed to resonate with quite a few of you. Why are we so mean to ourselves? Why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we try to be perfect?What If…we all stopped?
When I wrote that post I had just about had it with myself. I was tired of feeling like a bad person just because I don’t look like a fitness model. I was tired of the constant badgering of my existence by…me. It was understandable but ridiculous. It needed to stop.
Since then I’ve really focused on being nice to myself. I know that sounds so easy and silly but that’s what I did. When I would normally look in the mirror and focus on all the things I didn’t like, I would stop, refocus and say something nice. It wasn’t easy. After years of being called a boy, of having horrid acne, of having a giant space in my front teeth, an awful haircut and lots of chub, it’s hard to change your mindset. After years and years of being called a “big girl”, it’s hard to imagine that I might, in fact, be just right. It’s working.
I have clothes in my closet that don’t fit. It makes me feel bad every time I walk in there. I think the next step will be for me to get rid of those. If I get smaller at some point, I can always buy new clothes, right? Right now I’m focusing on what I look like right now and how I feel. I feel good. I like the way I look. I’m healthy. I’m happy. I’m a great wife and mother and daughter and sister and friend. That is what matters. Not the number on the tag of my jeans. Not the number on the scale. Those things do not define me. That’s not who I am.
So What If? What if you stopped being mean to yourself? What if you stopped worrying about your size and focused on who you are on the inside instead? What if you looked in the mirror and said good things instead of bad?
“Regret can be your worst enemy or your best friend. You get to decide which.”
— Martha Beck
“To love yourself as you are is a miracle, and to seek yourself is to have found yourself, for now. And now is all we have, and love is who we are.”
— Anne Lamott