Sometimes I get embarrassed because I cry. I cry when I’m happy, when I’m sad, when I’m frustrated. I can’t help it. It’s just who I am.
I go in to wake the kids up in the morning for school and I feel like weeping with joy at how lucky I am. When I tuck them in at night, I try to take a minute to smell the back of their neck and hug them super tight.
If you read enough blogs, you know that life is precious and fleeting and you have to soak up every minute you have with the ones you love.
The pride I feel sometimes overwhelms me. When the kids do well in school, or someone says that they have nice manners, or they thank me for dinner, I feel like I must be doing something right. It feels good.
I love my husband so much it’s crazy. Sometimes I feel so strongly the need to just be with him that I want to cry.
My great-aunt died last week. I hadn’t seen her in years and she wasn’t one of my favorite people in the world. But I’m standing at her funeral, next to my Grandpa’s grave, next to my uncle that I haven’t seen in at least 5 years who looks just like my Grandma that I haven’t seen in ages (not my choice) and I am so overcome with sadness I have to escape to my car to cry. I don’t want to cry in front of these people I barely know. I call my Mom on the way home and cry with her over the phone.
I think part of it is just me. I’ve always been this way. But having Olivia and the boys has made me feel ten times deeper. Having the love of a wonderful man makes me feel things stronger than ever. I just look around at my family and feel so very happy.
Sometimes I wish I didn’t feel so deeply. It’s difficult being so emotional. I wish it the same way I wish I didn’t like food or fashion or make-up; it would be so much easier to not care. But who would want to live that way? Without feeling deeply? Without caring? Not me. I’ll take my tears and sadness along with the extreme joy and happiness I feel every day. It’s better that way.