It’s Not About Me

Do you ever have moments when you want to stop and scream “When is it MY TURN?”

Yeah, me too.

I’ll be at a birthday party with Olivia. I’m so happy she’s been invited, that she has friends, that she’s accepted. But birthday parties are also that glaring reality that my daughter isn’t like all the rest. She doesn’t play the games, she can’t eat by herself, she makes a mess, she’s the only one with her Mom there. So I get upset. I want to cry, I want to leave, I want to scream “It’s not fair!!”

But guess what? It’s not about me.

I mentally smack myself across the face and look at her. She’s happy as a clam. She’s at a birthday party. With her friends. Loving life. So why am I upset? It’s not about me.

Matt comes home and he’s always stressed. His new job is ridiculously tough and stressful. He’s not my Matt. He’s too stressed to be himself. I get pissed because I’m doing way more than my fair share of everything around here including emotional support duty. WHAT ABOUT ME??? I want to scream. I’M STRESSED TOO! I want to yell. I HAVE A TON TO DO AND LOTS OF PRESSURE TOO!

But guess what? It’s not about me.

For better or worse, right? This is what they mean. He’s majorly down. So it’s my turn to be up. It doesn’t matter that I have needs too. For right now, while he gets used to his new job, it’s not about me.

I’m tired, I’m DONE and he wants to play that “wipe the goodnight kiss off my cheek” game that we used to play when he was 4. I DON’T WANNA is what I want to say. I want to go into a pre-sleep TV coma ASAP.

But guess what? It’s not about me.

I again smack myself and realize that soon he won’t want to play this game with me. And what is it going to cost me? 10 more minutes? Seriously, self, get a grip.

He wants to tell me all about the new Black Ops level that he and his Dad reached tonight. He wants to tell me every gory, bo-ring detail. Me? I just want to read my Kindle or blog. I want to be DONE, I think in my head.

But guess what? It’s not about me.

I realize that I’m really happy my almost-10-year-old boy still talks to me. All the time. About everything. Even zombies. I should be thrilled. And I am. So I give him another 10 minutes so he can recount every “so awesome” detail.

I think that’s one of the most difficult things I’ve had to learn about motherhood.

It’s not about me.

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8 responses to “It’s Not About Me

  1. I have those exact moments every day. Usually when Josie comes up from after watching tv to relax after a long day of school, field hockey, & homework. I have just sat down in my bed after cleaning up dinner, the mess everyone made, & putting the other 2 to bed. I will try to remember this post next time that happens :o) Hang in there! We need to do coffee or lunch soon!

  2. Amen to that! But that’s part of being a mom, a good mom. To be able to put your family first and in the end when we look back when we are older we will see it was all worth it.

  3. You have an amazing way of cutting to the heart of an issue and bringing out what is most important. I agree with everything you said…especially the part about Matt. Too many wedding vows are spoken so casually. I truly do not think most people THINK about what the words “for better or for worse”, “for richer, for
    poorer”, “in sickness and in health”, “till death us do part” actually mean! In the 25 years I’ve been married to my sweetie there have been many days that the strength of my commitment have carried me through. And now, looking back over the last two and a half decades, I am so thankful I was guided by my love FOR him and my commitment TO him and our family, not only by how I felt at the moment. There have been some rough moments…life is not always kind. 🙂

    All that to say that I love the way you love your family. You inspire and convict me on many levels and I am thankful!

  4. you have NO idea how much i needed to read this right now. thank you for alway being so honest and straight-forward on here!!

  5. Every now and again I declare a “me” day. The boys get them so the big people get them too. I love that they allow me to let go of thinking only about me when I am SO not the center of attention. Today we went to Fossil Fest even though I had a bit of a headache and was insanely tired. We had a blast! On a whim I pulled into the park on the way home and we played and laughed an giggled. I got the biggest hug ever from my guys for doing what I should always do – spend the time. It is about you, it’s about you being the best mom ever! xoxo

  6. motherhood is selfless so much of the time…tough job but so rewarding, even if it’s not about us most of the time!

  7. That is so funny, me and Gian were jsut talking about this last night. That isn’t not about “you” every single thing in this life is about serving others and that is where the true joy lies. I feel like I am on the same boat as you. Gian has been supper stressed out too with law school applications and work and commuting. Life is freaking hard! It is fun and wonderful but it is the never ending story and ride of growing and changing. Sometimes I don’t want to grow and make these changes… I JUST WANT TO ENJOY AND SIT IN THE BACK SEAT DRINKING A LEMONADE!!! Thank you for sharing your story. It is so true, it isn’t about us. It is about what we can do for others, it isn’t easy and sometimes we do need those rebooting moments where we do just focus on our selves for a moment or two.

  8. Your words are filled with awareness. I am not certain that make it any easier, but you are so cognizant of how your actions/reactions affect your family. Very graceful and difficult. Try to make some time for yourself.

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