Letting Go

I wasn’t ready for him to go to Kindergarten, but that didn’t matter.

He was more than ready. He was practically coming out of his skin he was so excited. The lunch was packed in his new “31” lunchbox that reads “MATTHEW” on camouflage. His black “pack-pack” complete with skull and crossbones embroidery was all set and ready to go. His new favorite shirt was washed and laying out on his bed. After coming down the stairs and asking “Mom! What’s 7 plus 7? Is it “firteen?” and being assured that there wouldn’t be any math problems that hard on the first day, he was ready.

Finally it was time to go out and wait for the bus. He was beside himself to finally not only get to ride the bus, but ride with his big brother. Of course big brother had to act like it was so annoying and asked if he could ride his bike instead. He can’t stand it when Matthew gets all the attention. Olivia kept asking if Matthew got to sit with her on the bus and my heart, which was already breaking, broke a little more.

When the bus finally came into view, Matthew actually squealed with delight. He’s been out at the bus stop since he was born, watching the other two go. Now it was finally his turn. We are so lucky in that Gabe has had the same bus driver all these years and she is the sweetest. She was excited to see Matthew waiting too. It was a good feeling to watch him go with someone we know so well.

After all the anticipation and excitement, off he went. With tears streaming down my face, I waved goodbye to my little boy. That’s exactly how it felt too. My little boy was gone soon to be replaced with a school kid.

The day, as you know, flew by. I got so much done that I was amazed. I kept thinking that this was my every day reality now. It was kind of nice and I rather enjoyed it even though I missed him like crazy.

Finally the bus arrived and he was all smiles and excitement. He had a wonderful first day. I received the “who got in trouble report” (not him, phew!) just like Gabe always does. He was bummed because his table didn’t win the “clean up” award because someone at his table left a pencil out. Recess was the best because he got to play with his buddy even though he’s not in his class. They read all sorts of books about starting school. And no one asked him what 7 plus 7 equaled. A perfect first day.

I took the kids swimming after school because it was freakishly hot and on the way home I asked if they wanted to watch a movie that night. Matthew replied “No, Mom. I think I just need to go to my room and have some alone time.” Turns out Kindergarten is exhausting. Who knew?

It truly made me feel better that he had such a great first day. He cried that night when he realized that he didn’t get to go back until Tuesday. It really makes it easier to let go.

A little anyway.