Off He Goes

You are, without a doubt, my best buddy. I pined for you. I was blessed with you. We’ve never been apart.

Oh how I’ll miss you.

When you were a baby, I wasn’t working. We had all day to cuddle and snuggle and read books and play. In between taking your brother and sister to pre-school and making lunch and putting the other two down for naps, I’d marvel over your coos and smiles and just revel in being your mother.

You see, I didn’t get to do that with the other two. With your sister I was in a such a fog of darkness, I don’t really remember what we did. Then just 6 months later, I had to go back to work. Seven months later when your brother arrived, I was so overwhelmed just trying to make it through the day that I forgot to enjoy it. Then just 5 months later, I had to go back to work. With you I knew I better savor every single second. I was wiser you see. I knew that I would blink and you would be gone.

When you were one, I started working from home. I could watch you walk for the first time, talk and discover this whole new crazy world. I have been there for every major moment. Every single one. We’ve even been lucky enough to have the last 3 years just you and me while everyone else was at school. I’ve enjoyed our time together more than you will probably ever know. We didn’t always do anything special, but it was all special to me. Even just going to Costco and then having a hot dog at a picnic table was marvelous because I was with you.

Oh how I’ll miss you.

I’m not sure what I’ll miss most: Your running commentary of the day, your constant questions about everything under the sun, your laugh, your sense of humor, your hugs, your company. We are absolutely best beds. You make mundane chores like going to the bank or the grocery store fun. I will miss having you by my side.

Oh how I’ll miss you.

Everyone says “You’ll get so much more work done!” or “Wow!! The house all to yourself for the first time in 10 years!” and there’s part of me that does look forward to that. But mostly I am sad because I’m not really sure what to do without you. I blinked. And now it’s time for you to go. I’m so happy for you because you are so excited but I’m so sad for me. Our special time is truly over. I’ve done this twice already and as soon as school starts, it’s over. Sure we’ll have weekends and holidays and summertime. But it’s just not the same. You already don’t need me as much. You’re growing up. You’re moving on. Soon you’ll stop holding my hand and kissing and hugging me in public. You’ve already told me I’m only allowed to call Matthew. Not sweetie, not baby, not honey, not Doodle. Just Matthew.

Oh how I’ll miss you.

I hope that you’ll remember the times before you went to school as special. To me they’ve been some of the greatest moments of my life. I know you’re going to soar and be so happy and that makes me happy.

But oh how I’ll miss you.

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13 responses to “Off He Goes

  1. i totally get it. i had tears welling up just thinking about that being me in a couple of years. good luck today! can’t wait to hear about his first day of kindergarten!

  2. Tear jerker!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Sending my baby off to school was so much harder then when my oldest started kindergarten. This was so very sweet.

  4. Ohhhh man!!!! Time slips away way to fast!!! It is cute to read though… you are a great little mommy!

  5. i don’t even know how in the world i’ll function when my last baby heads off to kindergarten…. i loved this post! (p.s….i’m only allowed to call hannah “hannah” at school. she’ll have NONE of the “sweetie” or “baby” business!)

  6. Matthew really looks like Matt in that picture. On a side note, Braden was watching a movie last night and the main character looked a lot like Gabe. The movie was on Disney. It was called Little Manhatten and the boy’s name in the moview was actually Gabe too.

  7. You have a knack for making me cry!

  8. Oh Tiffany…I needed a good cry so I have been waiting for this post. It delivered!!! I have one more year with my baby and your post has inspired me to make the most of it. I hope he had a great day!!!
    Love you!

  9. You are certanly a wonderful mom! your kids are so lucky!

  10. I’ve been thinking a lot about time lately. So many say that it goes by fast…but I’m not sure that’s it. I think it’s simply that it ‘goes by’. And we’re not always prepared for it to go by; I know I’m not. We want to linger in certain moments of time; slow it down, if you will.

    But time does march on. And life with all it’s great experiences marches on and on and on.

    I enjoyed this post. It truly relayed what so many mothers feel…about mourning the loss of their child’s babyhood – while at the same time still finding excitement and hope for all the future will bring.

  11. I know just how you’re feeling here, and this is so beautifully written. When my kids are home with me and I’m trying to get stuff done, I think I’ll pull my hair out, but when the house is quiet, it’s so unsettling. My son will go to kindergarten next year and I can’t quite believe that’s going to happen, that he will officially be “school age.” This is the hardest thing, I’m finding, with being a parent–the inability to really treasure each moment. Sometimes, it happens, and you try to freeze it in your memory, but so often, I enjoy my kids most when they’re sleeping and I’m reflecting on the day after it’s complete.

    So glad I found your blog today! It’s going straight on my Reader!

  12. Ok, now I’m crying here. It was so very hard for me to put Keegan on the bus on Friday. I ran his day through my head, wondering how he was doing and if he was truly ok without me. I can’t imagine what my day would have been like if I had been used to having him next to me all day every day. Hugs to you my friend. Happy school year to you all.

  13. Pingback: Six is Special | Elastamom's Excerpts

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