**based on the book “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” by Judith Viorst**
I went to sleep with just a few fine lines on my face and now there are two lines between my eyebrows and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on a Tonka truck and by mistake I dropped my bronzing powder on the floor and it broke and the dogs got out of our yard and I rode my bike around sobbing yelling their names and finally my MIL found them but I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
At breakfast the Coffeemate Fat-Free Vanilla creamer was all out and there was no more Greek yogurt or strawberries. I had to make my own coffee and I hate making coffee.
I think I’ll move to Hawaii.
It was time to take Matthew to Safety City but Olivia refused to get in the car. Matthew kept asking incessant questions and Olivia kept asking when we were going home. We still had to go for a walk and go to the grocery store. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
After Safety City, we needed to run a couple more errands but one was hungry, one was thirsty and I had to pee. There was a mountain of laundry waiting for me at home and I just wanted to read a book. Today was the day I thought Matt and Gabe might be able to call me but they didn’t. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
I could tell because “Nancy” didn’t comment on my blog today. She hasn’t commented on my blog in ages! “Jordan”‘s blog gets 40 comments and mine only gets 15 if I’m lucky. Why don’t people like my blog? Why don’t I get 40 comments every day? I hope they get writer’s block, I screamed at my computer. I hope blogger goes down today!
I got to go out to lunch but am trying to lose weight so I ordered a salad with grilled chicken on it. I really wanted a hamburger. Then I got a stomach ache because I can’t eat fast food, even healthy fast food. Guess who always has to eat healthy and still has a grotesque abdominal area?
It was a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.
That’s what it was because after I was finished folding laundry and getting ready to relax and read a book for a few, I discovered that Olivia had destroyed the bathroom. Toys and toothbrushes in the toilet, water all over the floor, the entire toilet paper roll undone.
Next week, I said, I’m going to Hawaii.
I got so mad at Olivia that I yelled and spanked her butt and made her cry. Then I yelled at Matthew for not shutting the gate or the door and for leaving his shoes in the middle of the floor. That was when I started crying and thinking that wine sounded good and remembered that I still had 4 more days until Matt comes home. That made me miss Gabe and Matt and I started crying again and felt like I was going to lose my mind.
I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, I told the empty room. No one could hear me.
I went to get dressed for going out to dinner with my MIL and nothing looked good and some things didn’t even fit. I want to look pretty, I said! I want new clothes, I said. I wore a boring old t-shirt and khaki capris and felt like an ugly, frumpy elephant instead.
At dinner I ordered a burger instead of something healthy and I ate the whole thing. And some french fries. And a beer. No wonder some of my pants don’t fit, I screamed in my head! No wonder you don’t like the way you look, I told myself! It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
The garbage was smelly when we got home and I had to change it and I hate changing garbage. My oven broke and I am having people over for dinner tomorrow! Netflix wasn’t working and I needed a Grey’s fix. I couldn’t get the sprinkler system to go even though I’m doing it just the way Matt showed me before he left. My computer was too slow, my spray tan is already fading, Olivia dropped a bomb that I had to change. I hate changing diapers.
When I went to bed Matthew had 30 stuffed animals on his side of the bed (he’s sleeping with me while Matt’s gone) and there was no room for me. Olivia wants to sleep with me too but she won’t sleep unless she’s in her bed. It makes me feel horrid that she can’t do that. Even worse than I already feel for being a grumpy, yelling Mommy today.
It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
I hear some days are like that.
Even in Hawaii.