Tiffany and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

**based on the book “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” by Judith Viorst**

I went to sleep with just a few fine lines on my face and now there are two lines between my eyebrows and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on a Tonka truck and by mistake I dropped my bronzing powder on the floor and it broke and the dogs got out of our yard and I rode my bike around sobbing yelling their names and finally my MIL found them but I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

At breakfast the Coffeemate Fat-Free Vanilla creamer was all out and there was no more Greek yogurt or strawberries. I had to make my own coffee and I hate making coffee.

I think I’ll move to Hawaii.

It was time to take Matthew to Safety City but Olivia refused to get in the car. Matthew kept asking incessant questions and Olivia kept asking when we were going home. We still had to go for a walk and go to the grocery store. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

After Safety City, we needed to run a couple more errands but one was hungry, one was thirsty and I had to pee. There was a mountain of laundry waiting for me at home and I just wanted to read a book. Today was the day I thought Matt and Gabe might be able to call me but they didn’t. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I could tell because “Nancy” didn’t comment on my blog today. She hasn’t commented on my blog in ages! “Jordan”‘s blog gets 40 comments and mine only gets 15 if I’m lucky. Why don’t people like my blog? Why don’t I get 40 comments every day? I hope they get writer’s block, I screamed at my computer. I hope blogger goes down today!

I got to go out to lunch but am trying to lose weight so I ordered a salad with grilled chicken on it. I really wanted a hamburger. Then I got a stomach ache because I can’t eat fast food, even healthy fast food. Guess who always has to eat healthy and still has a grotesque abdominal area?

It was a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.

That’s what it was because after I was finished folding laundry and getting ready to relax and read a book for a few, I discovered that Olivia had destroyed the bathroom. Toys and toothbrushes in the toilet, water all over the floor, the entire toilet paper roll undone.

Next week, I said, I’m going to Hawaii.

I got so mad at Olivia that I yelled and spanked her butt and made her cry. Then I yelled at Matthew for not shutting the gate or the door and for leaving his shoes in the middle of the floor. That was when I started crying and thinking that wine sounded good and remembered that I still had 4 more days until Matt comes home. That made me miss Gabe and Matt and I started crying again and felt like I was going to lose my mind.

I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, I told the empty room. No one could hear me.

I went to get dressed for going out to dinner with my MIL and nothing looked good and some things didn’t even fit. I want to look pretty, I said! I want new clothes, I said. I wore a boring old t-shirt and khaki capris and felt like an ugly, frumpy elephant instead.

At dinner I ordered a burger instead of something healthy and I ate the whole thing. And some french fries. And a beer. No wonder some of my pants don’t fit, I screamed in my head! No wonder you don’t like the way you look, I told myself! It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

The garbage was smelly when we got home and I had to change it and I hate changing garbage. My oven broke and I am having people over for dinner tomorrow! Netflix wasn’t working and I needed a Grey’s fix. I couldn’t get the sprinkler system to go even though I’m doing it just the way Matt showed me before he left. My computer was too slow, my spray tan is already fading, Olivia dropped a bomb that I had to change. I hate changing diapers.

When I went to bed Matthew had 30 stuffed animals on his side of the bed (he’s sleeping with me while Matt’s gone) and there was no room for me. Olivia wants to sleep with me too but she won’t sleep unless she’s in her bed. It makes me feel horrid that she can’t do that. Even worse than I already feel for being a grumpy, yelling Mommy today.

It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I hear some days are like that.

Even in Hawaii.


22 responses to “Tiffany and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

  1. I really hate those days! I hope tomorrow is better. If it makes you feel any better I have had the exact same kind of day myself.

  2. Yeah I was on the phone while Brittany about lost her lunch… It sounded rough hahhaha

    I am sorry… those days freaking suck!! And I wish we never ever had them EVER!!! It is so nice of you to let your two honeys go and enjoy a vaca. Seriously!!! How do you do it? I hope tomorrow will be a better, glorious and beautiful day. PS I am glad that you got that hamburger… it is nice to treat your self to what you are craving!

  3. First of all, this is hilarious. Even though the actual day sucked, you are very talented. I always loved that story as a kid and read it to my girls now. I read your blog every day and really look forward to it. It is you, facebook & my emails every morning! I don’t always comment though. I don’t always feel I have something important to say, but you do, so keep blogging! As for the rest, it will get better. At least you are excited for your hubby & Gabe to come back. My husband works so much right now I hardly see him at all. It is very lonely, but I am used to it. That is even more sad. Anyways, thanks for posting! Hope today is a great day!

  4. Aww….sorry your day sucked. Hang in there! I guess its tough when you have a DH who actually does stuff at home and then he goes away and you have to do it. I do everything here so when DH is gone nothing really changes. Just one less “kid” to look after LOL.

    And stop fretting about your weight. You totally don’t need to!

  5. that was funny and cute. not the part about you having a bad day but just how you wrote it (we love that book over here!). sorry you had a bad day. sounds like it can only get better, right? and now it’s only 3 days till matt and gabe get back! if it makes you feel any better, i have those kinds of days a lot too.

  6. if it makes you feel any better I like your blog….
    hopefully when you woke up today you gelt better and your day will be stellar…
    and I’m right there with you on the weight thing…totally sucks, huh?

  7. I love your sense of humor and perspective. I hope the rest of your time alone with the kids goes much better!

  8. I love it when you write like this. I remember you’ve done it at least once before since I’ve been following. Just hang in there, hopefully when Matt returns you can get a day just to you and you can leave the house. Of course, you’ll probably want to wait until after you’ve had your Matt and Gabe fix! :o) The best part of this story is that we can all relate to it, and if someone says they can’t–they are in denial–I know I definitely have these kinds of days. I have a feeling tomorrow will be like that for me b/c I have to go back to work from maternity leave. :o(

  9. This cracked me up… even though it was about a bad, sucky, not so-good day!!!

  10. girl, when it rains….it pours. right?!?! hope things are looking up today!

  11. You really did make me laugh out loud… especially when you wished writers block on the rest of us! Sorry you had such a crappy day 😦 I hope today is a much better day. Thank you for sharing your wit with the world 🙂

  12. Clever! I find that when i write about, and reflect upon, things, it’s usually enough of a focused distraction for my mood to shift by the time I’m finished… does the blog work that way for you, too? Hoping today is MUCH better!!

  13. Tiffany, I love your blog! I read it everyday! When I love what you have to say, I have Tim read it too!!!!! It is always the second thing I check each morning….first my e-mail, then your blog……

  14. Your day may have sucked, but your writing never does! I read your blog every day. 🙂

  15. Great blog today. I read your blog every day, even though I never comment. It sounds like Braden has about as many stuffed animals as Matthew. Hope tomorrow is better.

  16. Sending you hugs Tiffany. And a wish that your upcoming week gets better.

  17. I’m so sorry for your bad day. But like several people above, I had to laugh. Especially at the paragraph about others hating your blog because you ‘only’ get 15 comments. I feel like I’ve had a GREAT blog day when I get 4 comments, so…there’s a little perspective for you. 🙂

    I hope the coming days are calm, relaxed, and stress-free. Or as stress-free as they can be when you’re solo-parenting, which is just so very hard.

  18. A day alone in your own house – what a great plan. I know how it feels like it’s over too soon! You probably needed a bit more to get your equilibrium back, but so great of your mom to give you that much. I can’t tell you how many times I have labeled my day as a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (THNGVBD!)! Trying to head one off today. This morning it was the broken glasses and missing hearing aid that started things off (I count myself lucky when there is no poop involved). I know myself, and if I can get these 2 things squeezed in, prayer & exercise, the day is not a total bust. Then, there’s always tomorrow. You’re almost there… just 4 more days! Count ’em down. The worst is probably over.

  19. Didn’t your mom ever tell you there would be days like this?? I dunno how that song went, but it was something like that! Don’t ever stop writing. I don’t reply all the time but I read it all the time!!!

  20. Except that with wine and friends and talking and laughter there are fewer ‘no good, very bad days”!!! I think if we do it more often it breaks down the power of the no good, very bad days! Love ya 🙂

  21. i absolutely love reading your blog. i hope this week is better than last. 🙂

  22. Sanity is over rated. That’s what the voices in my head tell me.

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