Tired

I’m tired of the bite-mark tattoos I have all over my arms and neck.

I’m tired of her public tantrums and freak-outs and screaming and crying and people staring.

I’m tired of her refusal to walk, to help, to tell me what’s wrong.

I’m tired of her trying to pull my hair out of my head.

I’m tired of my biceps and back aching and the end of each and every day.

I’m tired of her wanting to do nothing but be in her room and watch T.V. because that’s her comfort zone.

I’m tired of changing shitty diapers.

I’m tired of her pinching my nipples through my shirt so hard my eyes water. In front of her baseball team.

I’m tired of her telling me to shut up.

I’m tired of her acting helpless and disabled.

I’m tired of her hitting babies and other small children.

I’m tired of not being able to turn my back for 2 seconds.

I’m tired of her having Cri du Chat.

And then I remember she’s probably tired too.

Tired of others not understanding what she wants.

Tired of not being able to be as physically strong as she needs to be.

Tired of feeling like she’s different.

Tired of having the transition to summer feel like a thorn in her foot.

She’s tired too. More tired than me. More deserving of sympathy and understanding than me.

I look at her and through my tears I say “I’m so sorry baby. I’m so sorry things are so hard for you. If I could take it all away, I would.”

She laughs because she thinks it’s so funny when I cry.

Through her laughing smile she says “I love you Momma.”

“I love you more” I say

“Well I love you the most” she says.

And all is right with the world again and I’m not so tired…and neither is she.

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17 responses to “Tired

  1. Mindy Slutsky

    Tiffany… I love reading your blogs. This one brought tears to my eyes!! When you are feeling this way, just look at that picture of her on the top of this page with her brothers. That should make you smile! It makes me smile!!! She is beautiful!!!!

    Mindy

  2. Aw, I love your heart so much!

  3. The two of you are awesome. I love the bond that you have!

  4. seriously, I’m not going to come over any more if you keep making me cry….
    okay, I will….
    so beautiful….

  5. Kelli Harshman

    I need you to whisper in my ear all day every day. Your wisdom and just your perspective on life is wonderful! Thank you for sharing it with us. What a gift!!!

  6. I need to remember this for my kids when I’m tired. You are such a great MOM!!

  7. That is so sweet!!! I think you are so patient! That is why you are such a good mom!! And that is why Olivia is lucky to have you!! Thank you for sharing your pains and happiness and for being real!

  8. I know many people overuse the saying, “Just keepin’ it real” – but that is ALL I can think of whenever I read your blog!! There are not enough people like you in the world and I am blessed to be able to share this glimpse into your life that you give us. This post spoke to my heart in a special way today. Thank you 🙂 🙂

  9. Liz Braun-Remy

    Thank you for that post. I needed that today.

  10. Charity De Leon

    I’ve been feeling bad because lately I’m tired too…tired of Cri du chat syndrome. And I’m still on the starting front of this different life. You are such a wonderful mother I admire you!

  11. You are such a great mom. I love this post, thank you for being so real!!!!

  12. Oh Tiffany, you put it all in perspective. Though…don’t negate your pain and frustration just because you know that she’s in pain and frustrated too. Sometimes…mommy needs a break. Period.

    But yeah, like everyone above said, you’re an amazing, wonderful mother who sets such a great example for the rest of us who are a little behind you in this journey.

  13. I’m riding that tired train with ya. You can only do the best you can as long as you can.

  14. More than 10 issues listed here are things I can empathize with. I stopped counting at 10 because it was freaking me out! YES. So hard, yet, so worth it. Be well!

  15. Thank you for showing us your honesty and strength. And most importantly your love for Olivia.

  16. I love when you write posts like this. I was so with you in the beginning, as I read how Olivia is so much like Gracie. Then, when you changed your tone, I broke down and cried. I need these reminders so much. Some days are so hard to look at from this perspective. Thanks for sharing this!

  17. Beautiful. This is amazing and so very true. Thank you for sharing.

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