My Mind

Last Saturday night I had the pleasure of going out to dinner with some of the other third grade Moms from my kid’s school. One of the topics that came up was guilt. Then I got to thinking about guilt and how my mind works and I haven’t been able to get it off my mind since.

I am a terrible sleeper and I think one of the reasons is…my mind. I just can’t shut it off. No matter what I try, I just can’t shut it down. I take that back…Tylenol P.M. helps knock me out. But I really don’t want to have to take sleeping pills forever. That would be bad, right? Here’s a typical “attempting to fall asleep” scenario…

I really need to go to sleep now. I get up really early.
I can’t believe I’m co-chair of field day and it’s this Friday.
I can’t believe I’m PTA president for the next two years.
We really need to increase PTA attendance. How will I do that?
What if I suck?
Do I have all the things we need for field day on Friday?
Will the kids have fun?
Will the popsicles melt before the kids get them?
How am I going to survive 10 days without my husband?
Is Gabe’s baseball uniform clean for his game tomorrow?
I’m so behind on laundry it’s not even funny.
Do I really have to give up my entire Saturday for high school graduation this week? Hello? Laundry?
Will my MIL remember she’s babysitting Friday?
My stomach is disgusting. I’m never eating again and I will do 1000 situps a day.
I think we’re getting pizza for dinner tomorrow. And I need more wine.
Shit! The end of school is next week and I haven’t organized a teacher gift.
Would they rather have Target or a restaurant? Flowers?
Crap! I need to order a workbook for Gabe to work on this summer.
I need to organize our “school stuff” for this summer.
What am I going to do with Olivia all summer?
Matthew wants to go to soccer camp. I’ve got to find one.
I’ve got to exchange those flip flops and those capris at Old Navy.
We need mulch. And time to spread it.
Did I remember to bid on that left-handed catcher’s mitt on ebay for Gabe?
What am I going to get my 17-year-old nephew for his birthday? Cash? Is that lame?
Crap! I forgot to post something for my blog tomorrow. That’s ok, I can do it in the morning. How many more hours until my alarm goes off?
Are my Mom and sister ok? I hope so.
I think my friend is mad at me. I’m not sure why.
I really need to lose weight.
I think we’re ordering pizza tomorrow.
Oh boy! Golf night is tonight!!! I get to hang out with Amy.
I wish it was Friday night already.
Did I spend enough quality time with the kids today? Does Matthew think I’m a terrible mother because I work?
We need to read more books.
It’s time to sign up for summer reading club at the library. We need to go to the library tomorrow.
What time is it??? Ack! I need to go to sleep.

Now that you think I’m totally crazy, you can see why I can’t sleep.

Is it just me?

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12 responses to “My Mind

  1. I am exhausted after reading that! You are such a MOM. That is what I do at night with one exception, I go to sleep. I start making that list and somewhere between the pizza and laundry I pass out. You are such a good wife, mother, teacher, friend, daughter & sister. Give yourself a break and relax. Try some meditation before bed and sleep. You deserve it!

  2. I am not a gifted sleeper either for the same reason of an over-active mind. I think too much.

  3. Girlfriend!!!! First: you are NORMAL!!!! Second: just pray instead! I ALWAYS have that kind of stuff running through my mind, so right as I lay down before my mind get’s all crazy and jumbled – I just start praying – I give it all to God! He’ll work it out for you 🙂 99.9% of the time I fall asleep before I even say amen (I like to think God understands I meant to get to that part lol!) and I sleep like a baby….until one of the kids needs me in the middle of the night OR until morning! PS-you are super mom compared to me – if I can get them fed, bathed, and in bed without losing my mind I feel like supermom! Wear your SM cape proudly – you are doing a GREAT job!

  4. that is absolutely how my brain works…and that is why i have to read every night until my eyes fall shut. austin makes fun of me for it but my brain will NOT shut up unless i’m occupying it with a book. and sometimes that plan backfires if it’s a good book and i’ll end up reading until 3 a.m.

  5. I am lucky enough to lay my head down on the pillow and go straight to sleep. I just worry about everything during the day! I’m trying to figure out how to help my 8 year old, though. He cannot shut his mind down at night and tends to focus on scary things that he has read or seen. So far, I’ve tried to get him to meditate or just focus on one particular (not scary) thing.

  6. OMG that was me last night!! Ugh it is the worst, the only trick I have found to work is singing a song I know. I use to be able to repeat “think of nothing” until I fell asleep but then realized while I was saying it I was still thinking. That is why a song works perfectly, it is enough attention to think and keep you from drifting into other thoughts, but not enough thinking to keep you from falling asleep. You do have a lot on your shoulders. PTA president… man I don’t even know how I would handle that! As for the guilt thing, I don’t know what it is but I know every woman struggles with it. It is in our DNA to feel this sense of responsibility, and then feel horrible about it… even if we can and do it right, it’s like something could always have been done better. I am sorry you haven’t been able to sleep the best. I know lavender can help, and they have these lavender things you can place in your pillow case. And a nice soapy bath right before bedtime works too. This would also be a perfect opportunity to request a massage!! Sometimes you can allow your body to work things out since the body holds on to a lot of toxins and stress. Sleep well! Maybe even posing about it like you did will help… let us know what works for you!

  7. My eight year old asked me just the other day, “How do you go to sleep so fast?”

    My anwer: Because I’m ALWAYS tired.

    But yes, your mind is normal. Mine goes on and on and on until my eyes just won’t stay open any longer because, like I said above, I’m always tired.

  8. I’ve been having a terrible time with sleeping, too. For all the same reasons. I fall alseep really quickly, but wake up from 2-4, things turning over and over in my mind. My job has become very intense, the boys are all teens/tweens, and without that embedded school structure there is more conflict cropping up. I feel stressed, and it’s killing my sleep. Which makes me sad, because I used to be such a world-champion sleeper. 🙂
    You are not alone!!

  9. I have been exactly like this as long as I can remember! I get out of bed to start making lists of things I want to remember to do the next day/week/month/year in an attempt to clear my mind enough to go to sleep. I have never found anything that worked though…. until I got pregnant! Wow! This baby is the best sleeping pill I could ever take! Unfortunately, I know it is going to start keeping me awake rather than putting me to sleep in just a couple of months!

  10. I think the reason I’m up until midnight every night is so I’m so completely exhausted that when my head hits the pillow I’m out almost instantly. If I go to bed before the point of exhaustion then I have all of those thoughts and then some! Ok, maybe not the PTA ones… I’m pretty sure the PTA at Highland hates me BECAUSE I work! Yes, we are the snobby school!

  11. If you can find a way to turn that mind off at night, please share. I empathize because I am often trying to find ways to stop my mind from racing.

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