The kids and I had a playdate last week during Spring Break. I’ve always been really friendly with this particular mom but we’d never had the opportunity to hang out together. We finally made a date and stuck to it. I got to know my friend even better and found out that she’s super cool. She’s in an Indian chanting band where she sings and her husband plays a sitar-like instrument. They own a yoga studio and hold yoga retreats. She is also a massage therapist. I love these kind of playdates—where you find out more about this woman you know from school functions!
As our playdate is ending, she says “I’ve always really wanted to give you a free massage for all you do for the kids at school. How does that sound?” Normally, I would have insisted that, no, she didn’t need to do that and talked her out of it. But this time? I said “Yes! I would love that!” Of course I assured her that she didn’t need to do this for me and it wasn’t necessary, but she insisted that she really wanted to. So I made the appointment.
I almost backed out. I felt guilty that I was getting this massage for free from this new friend. I felt guilty that I think part of the reason she offered is because she thinks I do so much for Olivia. She’s also very thin (think yoga/vegetarian!) and so I was uncomfortable thinking she would think I was huge. I felt guilty taking the time out to do this.
But I did it anyway.
I went, I didn’t pay (although I did get her a gift card to a local ice cream place b/c I knew she wouldn’t take cash) and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I was so relaxed afterwards that I kept thinking I need to win the lottery so I could do this every week.
I think I learned a lesson though. I need to let people do things for me. It’s ok to ask for help or to take help when it’s offered. How does that saying go? “When the student’s ready, the teacher show’s up” or something like that? Between my friendly chat with my friend last week and now this friend’s kind offer of treating me to a massage, I feel like I’ve learned.
It’s ok to ask for help. It’s ok to do things just for me.
It’s ok!
Elastamom's Excerpts 
i have a hard time with that too…..but every time i actually take someone up on an offer of help, i feel so much better! and, on the flip side….i love when people take me up on MY offers. i hate feeling like i’m putting someone out, but then again i suppose they wouldn’t offer if they didn’t want to do something 🙂 good for you for getting pampered!! (and massages ARE the bees knees!! i’ve only have maybe 3 in my life, but i would totally get them all the time if i could. massages AND pedicures….)
I am certain that it blessed your massage therapist friend to be able to do that for you. I have never met another massage therapist that their heart was not all about helping and serving. And it’s a delight when we get that opportunity to do so.
Just as great as it was for you to accept her kindness, I’m sure she loved the fact that she could offer it to you.
Tales of a Female Nomad (Rita Golden Gelman) introduced me to the Favor Bank concept, which asserts that the entire world is a bank – we all go through life making deposits (whenever we do a favor for someone) which means that whenever we need a favor we’re entitled to a withdrawal. It’s just as important to take out as it is to put in, because each time we accept a favor we’re allowing someone else to make a deposit. This is a good idea -especially for people who have trouble taking- to keep in mind.
I have a massage scheduled later this week. Cannot.wait.
I’m so glad that you were able to get something just for you! She sounds like a wonderful friend!
I think it is very okay to ask for help, or to accept help when it is offered! The way I look at it is that if I take the time for myself then I will be a better mother to my kids! Getting the time for me recharges me and then I have more to give to everyone else!
I have the same issues…letting people do things for me…or doing things just for myself…
Feeling a little selfish now and then IS ok!
I’ve learned it’s not so bad as long as it isn’t priority #1.
Have a great day!
You deserve it!!!
But I know what you mean, I always think it is so much easier to offer help than to accept it. Why is that?
You’ve been shooting some great reminders my way. I feel ya. I don’t say yes to enough for me, nor do I ask for any help. Never show weakness, right?? NO!!!!!!! Accept what is offered – you’re doing awesome! Hooray for taking care of you!
It’s hard for me too sometimes. I’m not great at receiving help, but often offer it. But it’s nice in those moments where I do cave and accept help. It can turn out to be a rewarding experience.