I am a total idiot sometimes.
I forget that I have amazing friends.
I don’t call them when I need them.
I don’t ask for help.
And when I finally break down and let it all out, they’re there for me and I feel like an idiot for not counting on them in the first place.
I’ve been in a serious funk for the last couple of months. Bad news bears funk. Don’t want to get out of bed or leave the house funk. And, like I told my dear friend, Amy, yes I’m still on my prozac, yes I exercise daily and yes I eat healthy. This is just a “weight of the world on my shoulders” funk.
Matt might be out of a job—who will take care of Olivia if I die?—-where will she live when I’m gone?—-am I raising monsters?—-am I doing enough as a mother?—-my husband annoys the crap out of me lately because he’s in a funk too, yet I love him so much I feel as though I’ll burst—I’m sick of working out—I’m sick of my house, my clothes, my car, my everything—I need a vacation—I need to get away—I need alone time—I worry about my Mom—I’m worried about my sister—I have hate and anger towards my former stepfather that I need to get past—the kids’ birthdays were exhausting and I felt like no one even said thank you—I hate my job—I can’t remember the last time I laughed—I feel ginormous—I want some time alone with my husband—I need to set up a special needs trust for Olivia but I don’t have an extra $1000—I need to get started planning my golf outing—I’m trying to sell Stella and Dot jewelry but I’m a terrible saleswoman—I want to do more photography and writing—I feel so lost kind of funk.
You feel me?
I had dinner at my friend Amy’s house on Saturday and the husbands weren’t there yet. It was just her and I and the kids were watching Tangled. I just let it all out. I cried so much I needed a Kleenex. She hugged me, listened and told me she loved me. It was exactly what I needed. I wondered why I hadn’t called her sooner.
Because I didn’t want to seem weak. Because I didn’t want to seem stupid. Because I didn’t want to seem selfish. Because I really hate asking for help.
But it was exactly what I needed. I needed her to say “Yes, it sucks that you are still changing diapers when Olivia’s 10. Yes, it sucks that you have to worry so much about her future care. Yes, it sucks that you are so worried about your financial well-being.” I also needed her to tell me that I need to focus on right now. That to focus on all of this was too much for one person to handle and no wonder I was feeling like crap. I needed to hear that I was a great mother, a wonderful wife and beautiful friend. I needed all of that.
I’m so glad I broke down on my friend’s couch and reminded myself to be thankful for having such a perfect friend.
Elastamom's Excerpts 
I am so with you on feeling that funk! I can’t seem to shake it!
I’m really glad you were able to share that with your friend and feel better about things afterwards.
HUGS to you!
Wow..I know how overwhelmed you are feeling right now. As I read your post I felt as if it were me describing my life at this very moment. The life that has chosen us is not kind at times but I am very happy that you have the support to help you through it. I may not know you as much as I’d like to yet but from what I see and have learned from you, You are a very kind, dedicated and loving wife and mother.
Big hugs Tiffany! The good thing about being in a funk is that it will eventually go away 🙂 I’m in a funk too trying to juggle it all and I miss the carefree days of little responsibility. I’m trying to blame everything on the weather – we have spent way too much time inside and it just needs to get warmer (and sunny!!!) and I can enjoy the outdoors and hopefully things will get better and return to more to normal.
You are lucky you have such a great friend to talk to! You are very blessed and things will be okay. I promise.
I too worry about what will happen to my son, if/when his father and I aren’t around. I’ve never really shared that fear with my daughter, who is 4 yrs. older. It came up in an off-hand way once, and she was quick to tell me we never had to be concerned, that she would always look out for him. I could have saved years of worry just by talking with my own family.
We should let others who love us and our families, help when we need them. They may need us to need them… if that made sense.
Tiffany, I love how open you are in your posts. I have been feeling the same way lately. A FUNK! Today, my oldest (4.5 yr old) asked me if I was really excited when I was pregnant with her and I realized I was so excited that I couldn’t contain myself. It also made me realize that I have not been excited over this pregnancy, I’ve just been going through the motions. I feel him move and I get excited, but I have not been EXCITED like I was with the first two. That’s when I officially realized I am in a FUNK. It doesn’t even have anything to do with this pregnancy, because he was totally planned and I can’t wait to meet him. It’s just that life’s become HARD. Way too hard at times. I like you don’t like to appear weak to people, so I put on a smile and I trudge about my day. But I’m just ready to explode. I am glad you were able to talk about your FUNK. Hopefully, I’ll get a chance soon to talk about mine. :o)
Everyone needs a friend like Amy!
Everyone does not need all those stressors. Hang in there…
Friends are the best! I’ve been trying to be a better friend. I can so relate to your funk. I’m not currently there but I’ve been there so many times I can’t count and I’ve had amazing friends that have dragged me out and I want to be that friend to them as well. Once again you’ve inspired me!
We all visit those funks!!! My mom reads your blog, don’t be offeneded that she doesn’t comment she doesn’t write on mine either : ) Anyhow she asked if I read yours yet today and I had said no…she said “she sounds like you.” Then she went on and on about how pretty Olivia is and said that she looks like an actress she had seen recently…..thought about it and said “Anne Hathaway in Love and Other Drugs!” She is one pretty girl!
You guys are one of the strongest couples I know. You know how to get through things and come out alive.
It’s posts like this that prove it!
So happy you were able to unload all of that stress. Don’t be afraid to do so! That’s what friends are for.
Aww, was that our sweet Gibby at work? How lucky for you both that you have each other.
I’m sorry about your worries and your funk and your sad. It’s hard to crawl out of the muck when it builds like that. ((you))
ps: Just the fact that you can admit that you and your husband are driving each other batshit crazy makes me smile. Ah, marital bliss!
I’m so glad you have good friends in your life, even if you don’t always remember that they’re there. When you REALLY need them, they step up.
I’m with you on the not wanting to ask for help, though. I so get that. And I think we need to get over ourselves and remember what we’d want our friends to do if they were feeling this way.
Good for you for letting it all out. I hope it passes soon.
Friends make the world turn don’t they?!?! I truly believe that Eve was given to Adam because we as human are not designed to be alone. That we need each other for the “pick me up’s”. And the best thing you have done is realize you are in a funk, and process all that you are feeling! That is exactly the right thing to do. I know it is hard to sometimes go to a friend and talk about the things in your life. Not sure how they will react when you burst into tears, or will they understand every emotion? You are very lucky to have a friend like Amy.
Can I share a secret with you? I had postpartum depression. I don’t like to tell people because a lot of people just don’t understand. But I want you to know I can totally relate to the things you mentioned. And the funny thing about funks is they can last for months or just a few days… or just a few hours. The good thing is once we can understand it, we can work through it!!!
Keep up the good work lady!!! I think you are great! I think you are a great example! You do have a lot of weight on your shoulders, but that is because you are strong!!! You can lift all the weight over your head and continue to climb up the stairs! Don’t ever forget your importance and value. And the best and most important thing, how much everyone loves you!!! Your husband, children and parents… just to name a few.
My greatest addiction Katy Perry “Firework”. The lyrics of this song are amazing! So go and show them what your worth! Let your colors burst! You are greater than you could ever believe!!
Glad you have someone to lean on and lean into. Friends help, especially when they listen and have the exact words. I know it has been hard Tiffany. Thinking of you and sending lots of love your way.
I’ve been in that funk – often travel in and out of that funk. Only a good friend can bring you out of it. I’m here for you anytime too 🙂 love ya.
I understand a lot of this. The funk. The need for a perfect friend. The resistance of calling on a friend. I am like that a lot too!
I haven’t been reading your blog lately b/c of Tessa’s surgery. I am trying to catch up. Just want you to know that I love you and am always here if you need me :o)
We carry the world on our shoulders, and we forget that we have friends that will help us carry it around for a while. I so forget too. I’m glad you have such a great friend to share with.
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