Mirror, Mirror

When I found out I was pregnant with Olivia, I was overjoyed to be having a girl. In addition to hoping that we would have as close of a relationship as my Mom and I, I often pondered her looks. I hoped that she wouldn’t look like I did as a child. I spent years and years knowing deep in my heart that I was not pretty. My nickname was “Little Doug” until I was about 13 because I looked like a boy and resembled my father so much. I can’t tell you how many times I was mistaken for a boy. One time a mother yelled at me in the bathroom for being in the wrong one. I was wearing girlie clothes and earrings too. But I guess I really looked like a boy. My mom, who still hears about it, made me wear my hear super short. I had thick, unruly hair like Olivia, which is a recipe for morning disasters for single Moms so she waged a war against that battle and just chopped it off. I had bad acne too (starting at age 6) so the doctors thought that getting the hair away from my face would help. (It didn’t; 20 years later they finally figured out I have a hormone disorder. Go figure!) I was very tall for my age and very big. I was always told, in addition to the lovely “you look like a boy!” comments, that I was a “big girl”. Needless to say, I didn’t want this for my little girl. I remember being in elementary school and wishing so badly I could be my friend Lynn who was 4 feet tall and probably weighed 50 lbs soaking wet. Anything but me.

When Olivia was born, I didn’t think she looked anything like me. She was Matt all the way and that thrilled me. But I also wasn’t sure if it was because of her syndrome; maybe she wouldn’t look like any of us. That made me sad. There was a part of me that wanted her to look like me. Just not like I did as a kid. It would be ok if she looked like me now, but not like I did as a kid. As the years went by, I still didn’t think she looked anything like me. Gabe came along and looked identical to me. Which made sense, right? I looked like a boy and now my son looked just like me as a kid. I have to say I’m much better looking as a true boy. 😉 Matty came along and was the spitting image of his father. Identical. I felt a little left out. All of a sudden I really wanted Olivia to look like me. She was so beautiful and lovely…who wouldn’t want to take responsibility for that?

Then her 10th birthday came along and I was editing pictures. And it hit me.

She looks just like me.

And my heart felt like it would burst with happiness. I’m not sure why. But I just love, love, love it that she looks like me. Mostly though I’m so happy that she looks so well-loved and happy…and maybe that’s it…I’m happy with myself now and what I am inside and out…and now maybe I can also recognize that beautiful part of myself in her.

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13 responses to “Mirror, Mirror

  1. She does look like you….and you’re both BEAUTIFUL!

  2. She is a beautiful girl & you are a beautiful, amazing woman. So glad her birthday was fun. Love the cake!

  3. wow….she really does look just like you! i have to admit that i was secretly thrilled when people stopped saying that hannah looked exactly like austin and started saying she looked just like me 🙂 there’s just something about having a little mini-you that gives you an extra special bond! looks like olivia had a wonderful birthday and hope she thoroughly enjoys the double digits!!

  4. The smiles…I think it’s the smiles.

  5. You both are gorgeous!! Inside and out!

  6. It’s so strange to read that you just realized she looks like you! That’s is the first thing I thought when I first saw her pictures. She is remarkable and so are (and were) you.

  7. I love those pictures. She does look like you! When my first daughter was born she was the spitting image of my husband. Seriously, it was kind of freaky to look at this newborn and see his face. She still looks a lot like him but she’s got my coloring and so many of my mannerisms. I like that. She’s the perfect mix of her daddy and me. Your sweet kids are the same, the perfect mix of your husband and you.

  8. You are both gorgeous!!

  9. These pics are definitely keepers!

  10. She’s beautiful…just like her momma!

  11. She looked like Matt for a long time. But, when I looked at your pictures the first time I saw you. She has grown into a beautiful young lady – just like her momma:)

  12. Hey lady, you both look beautiful! Love the pics of joy during her birthday celebration.

  13. Yes! She does look like you! She is so gorgeous; it is obvious where she inherited that from.

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