Done Starving

**To catch up on this Flashback Series, click the link at the top of the page**

After 8th grade, She and her mom and sister moved to a new city in a new state. She would be starting a brand new high school. She was excited and absolutely terrified at the same time. She was going from a tiny town where she was in a class of about 50 kids to a bigger town with about 250 kids in her class. She was nervous. Everything went fine and she settled in nicely. It was easier than she expected.

Throughout high school she had an off and on relationship with dieting and exercise and starving herself. If things were going well, and she felt in control, she was fine. When things were bad, and she felt out of control, she was not fine. Her wait didn’t fluctuate too much because she was a swimmer year-round and still, of course, watched what she ate. She was bigger now than in junior high, but still a “normal” weight for her. The only time she really weighed herself was when she had to for swimming. She thought she was better.

Before she knew it, senior year was over and it was time to go to college. The transition to college life was much harder than she expected. It was very stressful trying to find friends and her place in the college world. She made one really wonderful friend right away. They started working out together. This girl was gorgeous and had such a great figure. She really envied her. One day in the fall of her freshman year, she weighed herself. It had been a long time since she had been on a scale. She stepped on and looked.

146.

It was like she was 12 all over again and she was coming home from that doctor’s appointment all over again. She couldn’t believe it. There was no way she was that number again. No way. It all started out innocently. She loved going to the gym. She had always been an exerciser but never had belonged to a gym. She started lifting weights, going to aerobics, running on the track. She really wanted to be an aerobics instructor too.

By Christmas, she was down to 130 lbs. She was so proud of herself. To be able to go home for Christmas break 16 lbs. lighter than when she left felt like she just won the Olympics or something. No freshman 15 for her! Going home was awesome. Everyone commented on how thin she was and how great she looked.

She breathed a sigh of relief.

In no time, she was working out up to 6 hours a day. But she wasn’t starving herself. If you asked her, she was just fine. Eating healthy and working out was a good thing, right? She got a job at the gym, became an aerobics instructor and spent most of her time there. She just loved it. It wasn’t healthy though. Falling asleep in class, being exhausted all the time was all catching up to her. She just couldn’t keep up this pace. Between school and her job and exercising, she was spent.

It became her thing. She was the “skinny” girl again. The crack-of-dawn exerciser. The aerobics instructor. The fitness guru. The one who never ate anything unhealthy. That’s who she was. And she loved it.

Or so she thought.

Then along came Him. They would go on dates and she’d order the fruit plate and he would look at her like she was crazy. He would tease her about it and get her to eat something else. She started enjoying eating for the first time in her life. She started spending a little less time exercising and more time doing other things. The years went by and she still struggled with the demons, but she was so much better.

He saved Her.

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5 responses to “Done Starving

  1. Demon is the perfect word!!! And we all struggle with our own personal demons. You should be very proud of how far you have come!

  2. I have been glued to this part of your flashback series (but don’t get me wrong, I love them all!). It is so interesting that so many women (myself included) struggle with the food/weight/control/image issues – even those who we see as the “fitness guru”. I love that he saved you! I will never forget meeting up with you guys in Cincinnati for dinner shortly after Olivia was born and remembering you seeming to be in so much more of a peaceful place with food (you had started eating red meat – i was so shocked – in a happy way!), and you credited him. Thank you for talking about all of this, it speaks to so many people! Love to you. 🙂

  3. I think you saved yourself. I think you were ready to be saved when he came along and so you ‘let’ him save you. It’s there, in your words, your strength. You saved yourself and gave him all the credit. I love it.

  4. He is amazing in so many ways. You are fortunate to have him in your life. We all are fortunate that he is in your life.

  5. Me, too. My husband saved me, too.

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