Fu**ing Perfect

I was having a good couple of months with my word Done and feeling really good about myself and my body.

And then two incidents have me slammed right back where I started.

It sucks.

The two incidents were innocent and I probably took them the wrong way but in essence they left me constantly pondering “Do they think I’m fat?”

And as much as I’d like to tell you that this almost-35-year-old with bigger fish to fry than self-esteem issues could just brush it off and get over it, that’s not the way this brain works. If you’ve been reading my Flashbacks the last couple of weeks, you probably understand why. There are feelings that are embedded so deep in your marrow that it’s next to impossible to completely flush them out. But that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t piss me off. It makes me angry with myself that I just can’t get over it. That I hear one comment and my brain automatically goes to “You’re fat. You need to lose weight. You’re worthless. If you lose weight, all will be fine.” Luckily I can talk myself out of it now…but the voice, apparently, is still there. Not as loud, but still hanging around. I’m working on it. I’m not perfect and that’s ok.

Imagine my delight when my friend sent me this video through email because she saw it and thought of me. I was feeling really crappy and totally down in the dumps. And this video? Amazing. Perfect. F**cking perfect in fact. I’ve been watching it daily. I hope you watch it. It’s crazy to me how the universe sometimes just knows what you need. Thanks, TKW.


16 responses to “Fu**ing Perfect

  1. I think you are so beautiful…I just can’t understand why you’re not all cocky about yourself. 😉

  2. I’ll head over to YouTube to watch it – it won’t load (for me) straight from your blog.

    And really – I agree with Kristen – you’re gorgeous!

  3. Love this song, love Pink, love you! But it doesn’t matter what all of us tell you, somehow you need to figure out how to tell yourself what we are trying to convince you of. And when you figure out how to do that, could you let us know? Cuz I bet we could all be a little nicer to ourselves…

  4. I don’t even know what to say. You are a strong, beautiful woman. Warmth, love and bravery pour out of your posts and you are such an inspirational mother.

    I’m sorry that people have hurt you but push it aside, start over. Keep working towards being done. Hug those amazing children that your strong and perfect body gave to you xxx

  5. DONE!!! Remember???
    Sometimes the line between what we think people think of us and what we think of ourselves bleed together. They feed each other…it’s hard to separate them at times.
    I feel for ya for different reasons.
    We are both DONE this year!!!
    Stay strong sista!

  6. I actually never sat down and listened to that song and the meaning of the lyrics. And I never ever see music videos any more. I loooooooooooove this!!!! It really does have a great meaning, and it is reassuring to know that I (we) am not the only one who is hard on them selves, I mean in order for P!nk to write a song and it to be top 100’s then you know a lot of people can relate to this song. Thank you for sharing this!

  7. Tiffany…
    I think you look WONDERFUL! Who wasn’t thinner in their 20’s or before we had kids and worked out more?!? Just my .02 after not seeing you for years and just getting to see you again!

  8. I’ve got to say that Pink has a way with songs. She’s amazing. But then, so are you. But we all have our demons to battle. Writing them out, getting them out of our heads is a good place to start. You are not alone in your fight. Here’s to raising daughters who are confident and strong and ‘above’ these issues that we have.

  9. I’ve never taken the time to really look at that song before – so thanks to you and to TKW. You both rock!

  10. I know how you feel, know that you are not alone. I also know that I can tell you and the whole world can tell you how beautiful you are and what an amazing woman, mother and friend you are and you just don’t see it…you are only human! One of the most difficult challenges we have as women is self acceptance. You are doing something great by not keeping it all bottled up inside. Keep your head up!!!

    Oh and Pink ROCKS!!

  11. I’m sending you the biggest of hugs wrapped tightly around you. As someone with demons herself I feel your pain. Please know that I see your beauty – outside and in. Way to go TKW for always knowing just what to say. Pink truly has a way with words. I’m glad you’re finding solace in this. Love you.

  12. There is nothing like a Pink song to make you feel strong and powerful. Hugs and take care!

  13. Okay. I am going to try to keep myself together long enough so I don’t ramble too much. I am bawling. I had not seen the video or heard the song for that matter but I am so glad that you shared it. I have been making myself sick the last couple of weeks by re-playing my childhood horrors. My daughter is having a small issue. A perfectly normal issue. If I am clear-headed, I can see that. But I have been viewing it through the screen of fear based on my own scarring. You are right. Those wounds can run so deep that even when you think that you have shaken those voices, they can sneak up on you. Stay strong, woman. Because as far as I can tell, you are perfect. F*$king perfect, my friend.

  14. I love that song. And how cool is that TKW sensed you needed something to pick you up? That’s what really rocks about this blogger community. Sending some mighty big xoxo your way.

  15. OMG, I have tears in my eyes watching that video. That is very powerful.
    Tiff, I wish you and I both saw ourselves the way others do. I think we would be very happily suprised!
    You look amazing to me!

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