I was having a good couple of months with my word Done and feeling really good about myself and my body.
And then two incidents have me slammed right back where I started.
The two incidents were innocent and I probably took them the wrong way but in essence they left me constantly pondering “Do they think I’m fat?”
And as much as I’d like to tell you that this almost-35-year-old with bigger fish to fry than self-esteem issues could just brush it off and get over it, that’s not the way this brain works. If you’ve been reading my Flashbacks the last couple of weeks, you probably understand why. There are feelings that are embedded so deep in your marrow that it’s next to impossible to completely flush them out. But that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t piss me off. It makes me angry with myself that I just can’t get over it. That I hear one comment and my brain automatically goes to “You’re fat. You need to lose weight. You’re worthless. If you lose weight, all will be fine.” Luckily I can talk myself out of it now…but the voice, apparently, is still there. Not as loud, but still hanging around. I’m working on it. I’m not perfect and that’s ok.
Imagine my delight when my friend sent me this video through email because she saw it and thought of me. I was feeling really crappy and totally down in the dumps. And this video? Amazing. Perfect. F**cking perfect in fact. I’ve been watching it daily. I hope you watch it. It’s crazy to me how the universe sometimes just knows what you need. Thanks, TKW.