I Don’t See Her Anymore

For a long time after Olivia was born, I would see her. This girl that I was “supposed” to have. The girl I didn’t get. The girl I felt was taken from me.

I would look at Olivia and see the girl who would look up to me, the girl who would win the spelling bee, the girl who would make the swim team, the girl who would love nothing more than going shopping with me, the girl who would tell me all about her first love, the girl who would hug me fiercely with tears in her eyes as I dropped her off at college, the girl who would look at me as she walked down the aisle on Matt’s arm, the girl who would let me in the delivery room and let me be one of the first to hold her first-born. I saw that girl everywhere. She haunted me, she made me sad, she made me want, she made me feel as though I had been robbed.

But now?

I don’t see her anymore.

I look at Olivia and I see beautiful freckles just like mine. I see gorgeous, thick, brown hair just like mine and Matt’s. I see a girl who adores her family, who tells her Mom every day how much she loves her and showers her with kisses. I see a girl who will always feel good about herself, who will always love me, who will be my little buddy forever.

I see a girl who was born exactly the way she was supposed to, born into the exact family she was meant for. I see a girl who is perfect.

I can tell you, it’s a beautiful realization.

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12 responses to “I Don’t See Her Anymore

  1. Tiffany, your way with words and thoughts always makes me smile. You and your Olivia (and the boys too) are amazing!

  2. I’m glad the girl you see is the one who is right there beside you. She is so lucky to have you for a mama. You are beautiful together.

  3. When you come to those realizations, it is wonderful isn’t it? I love the picture of you two, Mama and daughter, perfect together.

  4. What a great realization. You are both so lucky to have each other.

  5. i love this post. so beautiful and touching. she is perfect and you are right….she was born just the way she was meant to be!

  6. This is beautiful. (I feel like I say that a lot on your blog, but I mean it every time.)

  7. She is truly amazing – and so are you:)

  8. Your beautifully expressed heart has left with me all smiles!!

  9. Olivia is so lucky to have you. Obviously the feeling is mutual. 🙂

  10. YES! I know EXACTLY what you mean! We’ve certainly come a long way from that ghost of “who he/she was supposed to be” (in our minds at the time)! Hooray for us!

  11. What a beautiful post. You two were absolutely meant to be together. And aren’t you both lucky for that? 🙂

  12. That made me cry, but I know just how you feel 😉

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