Hanging in There

**To catch up on this Flashback Series, click the link at the top of the page! Also, thank you to Mary who made me realize that today is, in fact, Friday!! Sorry for posting late, I thought it was Thursday all day today!**

They made it home from the hospital and settled into their new life as a family of four. Baby Girl wasn’t even the tiniest bit curious about her little brother. She would give him a kiss when they asked her to for a picture, but most of the time she just ignored him. It was funny; She had anticipated major jealousy. Little Man was a great baby for the first few weeks until colic set in. Now She understood what all of those books had been talking about with dealing with the incessant crying. It. Was. Non. Stop. All day long, all night long. The only thing that made Little Man feel better was if he was being held and bounced, or driven in the car, or in the stroller and it was moving fairly fast. But all of that was not easy when you have a one-year-old Baby Girl who can’t walk, talk, crawl or feed herself yet…and still needed to be held and carried too.

She was simply exhausted. She hated the expression “I’m hanging in there” because She thought that just implied a bad attitude…but that was exactly how She felt. She was hanging in there.

He would leave early in the morning to go teach; then would head to graduate school after that and not be home until 8 or 9 at night. It was, to say the least, a very long day. She would start the morning by counting how many hours until he got home and tell herself to take it one hour at a time and She could do it. The day was much better if Her Mom was stopping by after work, which she often did. That was a godsend.

She was hanging in there.

Leaving the house was so much work and effort, She hardly ever did it. But once a week She made herself go somewhere. Usually they would drive to the mall (about 10 minutes away), load everyone in the stroller, walk around the mall’s perimeter one time and then head home because it was time to nurse. When She did this, She felt like someone who had just climbed Mt. Everest. She did it!! She left the house with two kids and walked around the mall!! What a champion She was!! And then it would hit Her how ridiculous this was that She was so ecstatic about this small thing and She would cry. But for that one hour of the mall visit, Little Man didn’t cry, Baby Girl didn’t cry or need anything, and She could enjoy the peace. For Her at this point in time, it was monumental.

She was hanging in there.

She was not sleeping at all. Little Man would not stop crying. If She did sleep, it was with him on Her chest and sitting in a chair or on the couch. She was completely depleted and exhausted. She had absolutely nothing left. One morning She woke up from one of these cat naps and saw double. Double everything. For a long time. It didn’t go away until lunch time. This was kind of worrisome. What was happening? She made an appointment with her regular doctor; he was perplexed and sent her to her optometrist. The eye doctor was perplexed and sent her for an MRI.

Great. She had a tumor or something, right? She had two little babies and now She was going to die of brain cancer or a tumor and leave Him alone to raise these two all alone. How could this happen to Her? When would She catch a break? After a few minutes of this feeling-sorry-for-herself nonsense, She tried to get it together.

She was hanging in there.

The MRI came back normal. She had the follow-up with Her regular doctor. He attributed the double vision to exhaustion. He told Her to get more rest. Yeah right!! Her husband was gone from 7 a.m. until 8 or 9 p.m. most days of the week, She was nursing Her newborn son and had a one-year-old with special needs…and She was supposed to rest??

So She decided the best She could do at this moment in time was simply…hang in there.


7 responses to “Hanging in There

  1. Thanks for posting. I needed my Flashback fix… I look forward to reading these of Fridays. Sorry you had such a rough go of it but since I know that this story has a happy ending I won’t worry about ya too much. Thankfully your mom was around to brighten your days. Well if you lived closer I’d give you a big hug but you’ll have to settle for a cyber one instead. Take care and I hope things ease up a bit so you can keep track of what day it is 🙂

  2. “She would start the morning by counting how many hours until he got home and tell herself to take it one hour at a time and She could do it.” That is how I spent many of my days when I was home with my first newborn. I can’t even begin to imagine that feeling PLUS the weight of what you dealt with PLUS a second child PLUS no sleep. You rock it, Elastamom.

  3. You were and are amazing! I gotta say your doctor was an idiot for just telling you to get some rest. Like it was the easiest thing in the world to do! Glad you were able to get through it somehow. You inspire me:)

  4. You are so strong, my friend. I’d have been reduced to a pillar of salt.

  5. Oh boy! I needed a deep breath after reading this one!

  6. My husband was also going to grad school and working when I first had my colicky twins. Uggh. The memories. Back then, I had a motto that I would repeat in my head over and over some nights as I would walk the halls with them “This too shall pass… This too shall pass…” Then, I would, of course, cry like you mentioned. But, we hung in there and time passed. We made it through!

  7. Oh! I remember the days of colic with my daughter and I didn’t have a special needs child or children that close together. God bless you for hanging in there. I am always astounded by your strength whether via your flashbacks or your other posts. Sometimes that is all we can do — hang in there.

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