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Little Man was so different from Baby Girl. He was so hefty, so strong, so loud. It was so weird to Them. She was used to her tiny little girl who had a tiny little cry and felt soft and pliable. It was cool. She felt really unsure of herself again; it was like being a new mom all over again. She didn’t know how to handle a boy. And she still had Baby Girl at home too…how was She going to do this?
Before She knew it, the time came for Little Man to have his circumcision. She bawled and He was beside himself when they took him away. She felt terrible sending him off to endure such pain. But She had researched and read and felt that this was the right decision. When he came back, he seemed fine. It wasn’t as bad as She thought.
The doctor came in and examined Little Man and noticed that he looked a little jaundiced. He needed to go under “the light”. She lost it. She was convinced that She couldn’t have “normal” babies, that there would be something “wrong” with all of them, that She just wasn’t cut out for this. She knew, rationally, that jaundice was not a huge deal and that the light would more than likely take care of it, but it still tore Her up. Little Man had to go under the light all the time, unless it was time to nurse, in hopes that they wouldn’t have to keep him in the hospital.
She still felt terrible. She just wanted everything to be right this time; She just wanted everything to go smoothly. She was anxious to get home to Baby Girl who was still sick from her latest ear infection and was missing her Mommy.
Before She knew it, the time had come for them to go home. They packed up all their stuff and headed out to the car. Two days ago they were a family of three…and when they got home, they’d be a family of four.
How would it be when She got home? How would She handle it? How would Baby Girl handle it? How would They handle it? She felt like She did the last time She left the hospital with Baby Girl just a short year before…like they had forgotten to give Her the secret instruction manual that would explain to Her how to be a mother. How to be these two precious angels’ mother. How she would do it all.