A Bad Mommy Moment

We all have them, I know. I’m not alone in having a bad mommy moment, I know that. It’s totally normal and, maybe, even expected.

But it still feels really shitty when it happens.

Yesterday, Olivia had an eye appointment…just for a check up. Her regular eye doctor is on medical leave so I had to take her to a new one.

In the same office as the a**hole doctor who told me it wouldn’t matter if she could see or not.

Different doctor, but same office.

So I was already uncomfortable. I did not want to go back there. Ever. And I had all 3 kids with me. We all know how much fun that is. And Matthew decided to act like a fool. It was not a good start to say the least.

The receptionists were bitchy. It was so crowded there was no place for us to sit. The tech that did Olivia’s preliminary tests was not understanding me when I said that she may answer incorrectly but it doesn’t mean she can’t SEE it; she just may be stubborn and not answer correctly.

Then we waited some more.

And some more.

And some more.

Finally, we get taken back to a room to see THE DOCTOR. Olivia sits in the exam chair while we wait (some more) for the doctor. She looks at me and says…

“I peed!”

And guess what? She had on a pull-up and it leaked (because they are not meant to hold very much) all. over. the. exam. chair.

So I’m in a room after waiting an hour and a half and Matthew’s acting like an idiot, Olivia’s now covered in pee and I have no diapers. No Pull-Ups. No extra pants. Nothing.

I run to the bathroom to get paper towels to try and clean up the mess as best I could. When I get back, I give the keys to Gabe and ask him to please run out to the car and look for a diaper. I think there are some under the front passenger seat. I explain to him exactly where to look and send him on his way.

He comes back with no diaper. “I can’t find it.”

I tell him again where to look because I KNOW they are in there. It won’t help her wet shorts situation, but at least she’ll have a clean diaper on.

He goes again. And comes back with no diaper. He’s giggling because he thinks this is so fun.

I ask him what he saw when he looked and he said “All I saw was the instruction manual.”

He’s looking in the glovebox. I explain, again, for the 3rd time if you’re counting, where to look.

He goes and comes back again with no diapers. He’s laughing. He’s messing with me.

I lose it.

I grab his face…and unbenknownst to me, he has a jolly rancher in between his teeth and his cheek so when I grabbed it hurt more than it normally would have…and I whisper as mean as I can where to look (again) and that he better come back with a diaper.

Of course, he crumbles. He starts crying. He says “You hurt me!” And then he leaves.

I feel like total shit. I didn’t mean to take it out on him. I just wanted to get Olivia cleaned up, get the chair cleaned up and get the f**k out of there. But instead I took it out on the one person who was trying to help me.

He gets back with the diaper, I change Olivia, I clean up the chair with hand sanitizer.

Still no doctor.

I apologize profusely to Gabe, crying myself, and ask him to forgive me. I explain that I wasn’t mad at him, I was just frustrated with the situation.

I apologize over and over and over again. And cover him with as many kisses as he lets me.

The doctor finally comes in and I’m a total bitch. I answer her questions with one word answers. I don’t elaborate. She’s trying really hard to be friendly, especially because we are new.

But I’m not having it. I’ve been here for 2 hours, we’ve peed all over, we’ve had a terrible mommy moment and I just want to go home.

She says “We need to dilate her eyes to check her prescription. It will take 30 minutes. Is that going to work for you today?”

I managed to not strangle her while I said no, in fact, that will not work today. I also let her know that, while we were waiting, Olivia peed all over the chair and I tried to clean it up as best I could but they may want to go over it again.

We needed to get the f**k out of there.

Did I mention that Gabe had his first practice with his new soccer team in 45 minutes? That he was really nervous?

Still think this wasn’t a really bad mommy moment?

So, thankfully, she sets me up with another appointment next week at her clinic, which is supposed to be faster. So help them if they try and charge me another copay.

And all I have thought about for the last 24 hours is how I treated my angel who was only trying to help because I was at the end of my rope. He said he forgives me. I really hope he does.

Feel free to share a bad mommy moment with me today…misery loves company!

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20 responses to “A Bad Mommy Moment

  1. My bad mommy moment generally happen when I am trying to get something accomplished in a short amount of time and the girls just won’t leave me alone. I can’t pinpoint just one, but I know that I have them. I feel horrible afterward and at the time I feel completely justified. I’m right there with you Momma.

  2. Bad mommy day over here too. I have had no patience. Sorry about your day- I promise you Gabe forgives you and that he is okay 🙂 We all make mistakes and being a parent is hard work. Bad mommy moments or not, I still think you are a “super mom” 🙂

  3. Hugs to you!
    I have those moments too and they are not fun. Mine usually happen when I am in a hurry, we are running late, and things are just out of control. That is when I yell at the kids. I normally don’t yell, so when I do it shocks them. Then it hurts their feelings and Caleb usually cries. I hate those moments, but I think we all have them. Maybe you could plan something just for the two of you to do together. It would give him some good feelings to think about.

  4. Oh sweetie! I’m right there with ya. I was at the end of my rope with Eli at Meijer this morning. I yelled at him. I made him hold my hand and I wasn’t exactly being gentle. He was having a really off day. I knew it. I was frustrated with the pediatrician’s office and at my wits end at having to wait for 20+ minutes for a prescription. Keegan didn’t feel good and was whining. Poor Eli got the brunt. I too apologized and gave him hugs and kisses. But, a little part of me died inside. I hate doing that to my kids. But, I guess the best we can do is show them that we are indeed human. And, that we don’t mean to be mean. It doesn’t forgive the situation but it does explain it. Perhaps it will help prevent some bad parent moments for them… {{hugs}}

  5. I could not even narrow it down to one bad mommy moment……and sadly the person who takes the brunt of my frustration is the sweet, sensitive, helpful, caring boy. It is so sad and I beat myself up over it everytime, so it makes me feel good that I’m not the only one : ) Thanks for sharing!!

  6. Sending you hugs. Those moments are really hard and we have all had them. My bad mommy moments usually happen in the middle of some crowded place, whether it is the grocery store, amusement park, or any group gathering. As much as I remind myself to act with grace, I somehow always end up yelling… working on finding my zen in those moments.

  7. I hate bitchy doctors.

    My Bad Mommy Moment is when I yell louder than I should at the kids.

  8. (((hugs)))
    I got overwhelmed just reading these circumstances, I can’t even being to imagine what it felt like to be trapped in the middle of them. Gabe knows how much you love him, and I believe that he absolutely forgives you. He knows your heart. (He also knows how stressed you were, even if he can’t quite understand how that feels.) Forgive yourself and breathe, Elastamom. You are an amazing mom. We all mess up sometimes. But you stopped yourself and said you were sorry. Gabe knows you meant it.

  9. I had a great BMM the other night. Bella had another one of her coughing fits the other night (which now the Doc is telling me is a functional disorder/aka a habit cough). I was so frustrated that we can’t figure this thing out. Josie came up to tell me she was itching and coughing from being around her friends dog that day and I told her to suck it up b/c I can only deal with one coughing child at a time. It was awful and undeserved. Mother’s guilt is the worst! Hope today is a great Mommy day!

  10. Wow. I can’t believe you handled that situation so well. I just keep thinking of all the things I likely would have said or done had I been in your shoes and I’m amazed at how well you kept it together. I know we all do and say things as parents that will haunt us (not our kids) for the rest of our lives and I hope you don’t beat yourself up too bad for this one. Here’s to what is hopefully a great day today!

  11. Oh Tiffany, don’t be too hard on yourself. Most of us have these bad mommy moments, and likely in much less stressful situations. I get it, we get it, and I am sure Gabe gets it. Trust me, if there is anything your kids know, it’s that you love them.

  12. P.S. You are a FANTASTIC mom!!!! DO NOT forget it!!

  13. I really, really wish I were right there to give you a hug right now. Tiffany, that situation was completely unbearable. I don’t think any of us could get through that with any modicum of grace. Just totally hideous, unmanageable circumstances.

    Gabe knows that you love him. You are an amazing mom. Yes, you lost it. but you know what? You apologized and handled the aftermath with love and Gabe learned that even mommies aren’t perfect. And that’s an important thing for a little guy to know.

  14. There must be something about the eye doctor’s office where the waiting is at a minimum to a few hours. We always wait and wait just like that at Cayman’s Ophthalmologist too.

    Oh but man, your appointment day was crazy, insane!!

  15. I had mine on Sunday. My daughter was pushing every button on me she could purposefully. She kept jumping on me which hurt even when I told her no 100 times. I finally was so frustrated that I pushed her hard. She didn’t notice because she was so hyper, but I realized that I went too far.
    I literally locked myself in my room for about 10 minutes to cool down and think.
    we all have our moments and they are always hard.

  16. Hmmmm…. bad mommy moment…. (1) Forgetting that my son was reading comics on the floor at Churchills, going home, unpacking the groceries, yelling bcause he did not help and then realizing he was never there! And when I got back to Churchills he was still reading comics on the floor. Did he forgive me? I guess – but he does live in Japan now…. hmmm (2) Creatively thinking that washing out Alison’s mouth with liquid soap was a clever, modern way of updating the traditional bar soap punishment (a la Christmas Movie). The child hypervenilated, choked and I spent hours calming her down. Did it work? Well, she doesn’t swear like a sailor BUT she moved to Chicago, so who knows? hmmmm
    My bad mommy moments are numerous, but Tiffany my two kids call almost daily to discuss important life issues, make fun of me and just to say “hello.”
    The bad mommy moments have become family folklore and are shared and exaggerated when we get together…

  17. Oh my goodness. One thing after another, huh? You know what they say….when it rains, it pours.

    Here’s hoping for a happier, easier, pee-free day today 🙂

  18. Your post brought me to tears, because I have so been there, so many times. Just the last night when my daughter woke up crying and carrying on, I had such trouble holding it together. In my defense, she has been doing this more and more lately and she is in consolable. Obviously, something is wrong (I’m thinking she, like her brother, has Sensory Processing Disorder which just makes me want to scream) but that night I almost lost it. I held her tightly by the shoulder and all but yelled in her face to pull it together. She was waking up both her brothers and I just couldn’t handle it. Luckily, I left the room before I could inflict more damage. I feel terrible, because it isn’t her fault, but it’s hard to remember that when your 4 year old is screaming and won’t stop, won’t tell you what is wrong and this is the second time in 2 days that you have been woken up in the middle of the night by this crazy meltdown crap that you have no idea how to deal with.

    Sorry for the rant. I know I am rationalizing. Just so you know, I am sure I would have lost it in your situation as well.

  19. The brothers are supposed to “keep an eye” on Janine when I am trying to prepare supper, just to keep her away from the sharp knives, raw meat, hot stove, etc. that are part of the process. Well, I had the mixer going while I rearranged things in the fridge to get a couple of eggs out, and there was Janine, reaching her fingers toward the pretty, whirring beaters. I shouted NO!!!! with such a tone that it scared them all half to death. Then I was hyperventilating. I reminded them yet again of the horrible things that could happen if they aren’t paying attention to where Janine is headed, and then I felt horrible again, for making them shoulder so much responsibility. They are just kids, after all, but sometimes they do have to step up. We often don’t have any other options.
    One thing I have learned, though, is that an inconsolable baby crying will often get you to the front of the line in a crowded waiting room situation, as will a child throwing up all over the floor and the seats in the emergency room. Wonder how I know this?
    I’d say we all do well to do as well as we do. Oh well.

  20. That is so tough. I hate when you feel that way about yourself. Gabe knows how much you love him, trust me on this. And I swear, he has probably long forgotten the instance the second he stepped out onto that soccer field. If it makes you feel better, I did the same thing at the splash park the other day. R was not listening, as is the norm these days. I was sick and not feeling great. It was 96 degrees, with a heat index making it 104 (not making this up). I had just come from a mtg with the principal of our school to discuss a humongous project that, like an idiot, I agreed to chair. I was tired and stressed out and hot. So, I grabbed her little cheeks and turned her to face me and look me in the eyes. Then, I scrunched up my face to look particularly stern and that’s when my niece (1 yr older than R) appeared in my face also to see what was up. I had such guilt. It took another child to be present to make me feel like a schmuck and then that made me feel even worse. It happens to the best of us. Try not to stay down. Hugs to you.

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