Category Archives: Uncategorized

It started with a care package…

We sealed it with rings and a couple of “I do”s…

We’ve had three children, plenty of ups and downs…

And we’re still each other’s number one fan.

Here’s to many, many more.

When I started this blog almost 4 years ago (eek!), it was because I wanted to give others hope. I wanted to show those who were looking for information on Cri du Chat and anyone who happened to come across my blog what life is really like for us with Olivia, warts and all. But I definitely wanted to focus on the good and the happy and the hope because that’s what I was most surprised by. I had no idea there would be so much joy in raising a child with special needs; I wanted to let others know that the happy definitely outweighs the sad.

This week is the first annual international Cri du Chat awareness week. The syndrome is very rare and not many people, including medical professionals, are aware of it. This week we are hoping to introduce as many people as we can to the syndrome and the families that are affected by it. My take on it is that it’s another week to give Olivia a voice. To let people know that even though she has this syndrome, it is not who she is. It does not define her. It is not her essence. It’s just her syndrome.

Olivia is an 11-year-old girl who would live in her one-piece, footed pajamas and slippers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if she could. In fact, she’s been to a few soccer games lately in her “flippers” as she calls them. Her hair is super thick and brown and luscious and her eyes are the color of melted milk chocolate; she has a megawatt smile that she shares with everyone. She loves to play her new pink Barbie guitar that we found at a garage sale for $1 and sing “Clementine”. She loves all things Disney, Tom and Jerry and Spongebob. Her brothers are her best friends. Being with me is her favorite thing in the whole world. She loves her Daddy. She screams at the top of her lungs with excitement when my Mom comes over. She loves dogs. She has a crush on a boy on her baseball team. She has friends at school, she participates fully in everything at school. She is joy personified. To know her is to love her.

That’s what I want you to take away from this week. People with disabilities are just…people. They have a mom and a dad and siblings and likes and dislikes and feelings. They are just people. Just like you and me.

Visit here for more information on 5p-/Cri du Chat Syndrome.

Last week I was nervous to post this about how unlike myself I’ve been feeling lately. Every time I worry about a post like that, I think how it might help someone else to not feel so alone if they are feeling the same way. I always like to know I’m not alone. Sometimes I think it helps just to get it out too. It does.

Over the last week I can feel myself coming back to normal a little bit. I have a little more patience, I’ve laughed a few more times, I feel a little more like myself every day. It’s nice to realize I’m not totally gone. This weekend was really wonderful. And not just because it was Mother’s Day. We had a super busy, but fun, weekend and I didn’t want to retreat to my room and sleep. I was solo-parenting for most of the weekend and I wasn’t anxious or angry about it. I enjoyed it instead.

The kids and I laughed. I jumped on the trampoline. We planted flowers and went for a bike ride. We rehashed the soccer game including how I gave a Dad on the opposing team a look of death when he yelled at Gabe inappropriately. He moved away from me after that; it made me smile. Don’t mess with Mama Bear. Especially over a 4th grade soccer game. Olivia was so good this weekend it was unreal. Or maybe I just have more patience. Either way, I’m thankful.

Yesterday the boys and I went for a bike ride around the neighborhood. I found myself riding along with my boys having a nonstop conversation and laughing. Laughing and laughing and laughing. I was there. I was in the moment just soaking up my boys. Somehow we got on the topic of having kids and what they would name them. You’ll be happy to know I’m someday going to be the grandma of boys named Max and Sam and girls named Dot, Michi and Sushi. I just hope their wives are OK with those names. I was listening to them talk about the future, watching them ride their bikes and knowing that there is no other place I’d rather be.

All I know is that, even though I’m not 100%, I can feel myself slowly coming back. And that makes me so happy.

So I guess I’m making this a regular Friday thing…you like?

Here’s what made me happy this week…

This video. If you put on mascara already, you might want to watch it later.

Olivia flirting at her baseball game. She is totally gaga over C, the boy she called “muy caliente” lat week. He flirts back. It’s super cute and really frightening at the same time. I guess there are some typical 11-year-old girl things that she’s going to do, huh?

Watching the boys play soccer and baseball. I love watching them play.

Purple hair. I now have violet highlights and I love them! They’re super subtle and sophisticated if I do say so myself. I’ll try to get a picture this weekend.

My health. I had a skin cancer scare and the stomach flu this week. I’m feeling better and so very thankful. Your health is so easy to take for granted, isn’t it?

The sun. It’s been so sunny this week and I’m already feeling myself come back to life.

The way Matthew still says “nuse” for “use”. “Mom? Can I nuse that please?” *sigh*

Gabe coming home and telling me all about safety patrol and his new badge. He’s in training for next year and he’s so geeked about it.

Old episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. I love that show.

Olivia referring to Matt as “your husband”. “MOM! Your husband is home!” and “Mom, that’s your husband!”

What made you happy this week? Please share…I really do want to know!

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!

It’s my least favorite appointment of the year. Even worse that going for my yearly gynecological check-up. It’s when I have to go and get a skin cancer check. I have to stand there, naked, in front of my doctor and have him look over every inch of my body. Who on earth wants to do that? It’s uncomfortable, it’s embarrassing, but it’s vital.

Last week, I had 4 suspicious moles removed. I am very fair so I have lots and lots of freckles and moles but these were different. The doctor said we could just watch them for the next 6 months, but he was very concerned that they looked really unusual. Take them off, I said. Why take the chance? After the procedure, the nurse said no news is good news, so if I didn’t hear from them by Tuesday, I was in the clear.

All day Monday and Tuesday I kept checking my phone. No call. Then at 4:15 on Tuesday, they called. Crap, I said to the nurse on the phone when she identified herself. The two on my leg were atypical…but fine. No skin cancer. But it would have developed into skin cancer had I left it or not had it checked in the first place. That scared me. This is why I go every year (now every 6 months) to get checked. If you catch it early, more than likely you’ll be fine. But if you don’t?

I was never so thankful that I put myself through that embarrassing and uncomfortable appointment. Have you had your skin checked lately?

I am so lost. Something has kidnapped me and I am trapped under a thick sheet of glass. It’s terrible because I can see out, I can see that I am lost, held hostage, but there is nothing I can do about it. At least not anything quick.

I see myself from underneath the glass and I don’t recognize myself. My smile looks forced; it is. It doesn’t reach my eyes; there’s nothing behind it. The self I see is grouchy, tired, moody and none of those terms describe the real me. I am short-tempered, I am so angry. I am sad and melancholy and negative. I hurt. I can’t see the good around me. I really struggle to find things I’m happy about.

This is not me. I’m lost.

I want to sit in a room and primally scream at the top of my lungs. Just scream. Until I can’t scream anymore. I want to scream that IT’S ALL UNFAIR! I GOT SCREWED! I AM TIRED! I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS! I DON’T WANT TO!!! I don’t think any of those things are true, but I feel them anyway. And I want to scream because I’m mad at myself for even having those thoughts in my head. I’m 11 years in, I should know better. But maybe that’s also why I’m so angry and tired. 11 years is a long fucking time and maybe, just maybe, I should cut myself some slack.

But I don’t. I’m lost.

I think if I just was a size 2, if I had a cleaning lady, if we had more money, if I liked my job, if I had new clothes, if Matt’s job didn’t drive me crazy, if I could just go on vacation, if I could just get a pedicure, I would feel better. But it’s not true. Because I don’t feel good on the inside right now. None of those things will change that. None.

Because I’m lost.

I don’t want to play Monopoly or catch or ride bikes. I want to curl up in the fetal position, take 2 Advil P.M. and cry myself to sleep. I want to read and escape to a fantasy land where there is no worry, no stress, just sex and love. I want to get in my car and drive until I can’t keep my eyes open and see where I landed. I want anywhere but here.

Because I’m lost.

The real me, the one who’s trapped under the glass is a positive, happy person who has the patience of a saint. Where is that woman? I like who I am, I’m happy. Where is she? I love being a Mom, I love playing with my kids, I love being with my family. What happened to her?

I know she’s still here…and I’m trying to find her. I know it will take me a while and I know that eventually I’ll get her out from underneath that damn glass. I just hope everyone who loves me will still be there.

***LAST DAY TO ENTER THE GIVEAWAY IS TODAY, MAY 7TH!!***

MamaKat asked “What is your idea of a perfect mother’s day?” this week in her awesome writing workshop. In my head, there are three perfect mother’s day scenarios:

The Selfish Mother’s Day

For me, if I’m only thinking of me, the perfect Mother’s Day would involve sleeping in. Very original, no? But not regular sleeping in. The kind where you wake up, watch TV or read for a little bit and someone has brought you coffee, then go back to sleep for a couple of hours and then repeat. Until you feel like you’re going to get bed sores and finally get out of bed. Then I would eat breakfast…something really yummy that I didn’t cook. Like donuts, or an omelet, or french toast or an egg mcmuffin. I would read until the coffee was gone or my eyes went crossed whichever came last. Then I’d go for a run or take a walk or something fun for exercise. Rollerblading! Yes, rollerblading. Then I’d come home and take a nap or watch a movie or both. I’d finally get up for a dinner I didn’t cook and yummy dessert. Guests are optional. I’d top if off with a nice hot bath filled with some sort of fragrant oil and bubbles and a glass of wine. Then I’d read or watch another movie and go to bed. Early. And happy.

Family Mother’s Day

Of course I should spend mother’s day with…those who made me a mother. We’d start by going out to breakfast…and not at IHOP, someplace fancy. Then maybe we’d go to the zoo if it’s nice, or a movie if it’s not. Later that night, my Mom would come over for dinner. The kids would pass out their handmade cards filled with all of the things they love the most about me. We’d all have ice cream and then Matt would handle bedtime. I wouldn’t have yelled once, the boys would hold my hand and kiss me on the lips and Olivia would use the potty all day and not pinch me. Perfect.

What will likely happen on Mother’s Day

We’ll wake up at 7 when Matthew bounds out of bed. We’ll have toast and coffee, maybe Matt’s famous omelets if I’m lucky. A family walk might follow breakfast. After the walk, the kids will want to have a friend over and I’ll have to remind them that it’s Mother’s Day. I’ll ask if they want to play baseball or shoot hoops; they might say yes but they’ll probably want me to jump on the trampoline instead. There will be fights, whining, complaining and pee. We might take a nap and then head over to Matt’s sister for dinner. I’ll put the kids to bed and then read for a while before falling asleep.

But guess what? No matter what day actually happens, I will know that I am loved.

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Do you need a special gift for your Mom? Would you like to win a bracelet just for you for Mother’s Day? Today I am giving away a Stella & Dot Revival bracelet!!! This bracelet was featured in InStyle magazine and was sold to raise money for autism awareness. See it below. My favorite thing about Stella & Dot bracelets is that they are perfect for layering! In order to win the bracelet, you simply leave a comment here and become a fan of Christine’s facebook page here

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Make sure to leave a comment saying Elastamom sent you!

My friend, Christine, has generously donated this bracelet today. She is also donating 20% of all online sales to my Olivia’s Open golf outing; she will also donate $50 for each trunk show booked! To shop or host a show, click here!

Happy Mother’s Day!!

I have started a daily gratitude journal…and I love it. It really helps me clear my mind and focus on what is good right before I go to sleep. I’ve also really enjoyed looking back on here on Fridays on what was good in my week. Feel free to join me!

Here’s what made me happy this week…

The boys just LOVING soccer. Gabe said “I could just play soccer all day!” It makes those freezing cold, rainy practices and games that much easier to bear.

Olivia enjoying her first baseball game of the season. She hit the ball twice and actually made a fielding play! She threw the ball to the appropriate base. Best of all? She had fun.

Olivia has a crush on a boy on her baseball team. She has for years. He’s 20 and has Down’s syndrome and is adorable. He calls himself “The Beast”. She called him “muy caliente”. YIKES!!!

Matthew’s skinny little frame. He was sitting at the dinner table shirtless the other night and I just smile at how cute he is and how my fat baby became this skinny little guy.

Playing Quirkle with my boys after dinner. We were cracking up because it was Matt’s first time playing and he was awful at it. He’s good at everything!

Gabe threw an ever-loving fit the night before the math standardized test. It was awful, it kept us all up late and I was angry. But I was also really thankful that he feels safe enough with us to express his anger. Not everyone has that safe feeling.

Matt and I were able to sit and watch a movie on Tuesday night. That’s always bliss.

My Mom. I just love her and she is so helpful. I’m so thankful I have her.

What made you happy this week?

I am exhausted from writing in 5 for 5 last week! It was a blast and I’m so glad I pushed myself to do it…but my brain is fried! Amber from Making the Moments Count tagged me in this meme last week; it seemed like a nice day to give my brain a break! Thanks, Amber!

The Rules
1. Post the rules.
2. Post a photo of yourself along with 11 random facts.
3. Answer the questions given to you in the tagger’s post.
4. Create 11 new questions and tag new people to answer them.
5. Visit the people you tagged to let them know.

I’m always behind the camera so there aren’t that many pictures of me…but here is one of my favorites. That was a good day at the apple orchard.

11 random facts about me: (Is there anything you don’t know about me by now?)

1.) I’m very particular. I like my coffee in a certain mug, my hair a certain way, my kitchen just so. I can’t help it. I like what I like.

2.) I love People magazine and anything celebrity related. I’m a pop culture junkie. (P.S. Will Jessica Simpson ever have that baby??)

3.) I really want to go to Europe, Australia, Hawaii and Ireland…but I am terrified of flying.

4.) I took piano lessons for almost 11 years. I’m rusty, but pretty good.

5.) I can type really fast. That comes in handy with teaching online and blogging.

6.) I taught aerobics in college and until I had kids. I loved it but I don’t miss it. Thank your fitness instructor the next time you take a class…it’s a lot of work!

7.) I read the entire Harry Potter series every summer. Once I’m done with 50 Shades of Grey (post on that to come soon!), and I finish the other books on my Kindle, I’ll start. I need that reminder about love and friendship and good prevailing over evil every year. Plus, it’s an amazing series, right?

8.) I love clothes but I don’t have that many. Especially right now because many of them don’t fit! I could seriously go shopping every day.

9.) I’m obsessed (maybe this goes with #1?) with nice teeth and properly groomed eyebrows.

10.) I’ve been with my husband since I was 19. It has worked out perfectly for us, but now when I see a 19-year-old I think “Oh my god! I was a baby!”

11.) I could live on Pringles—either sour cream and onion or cheddar. I don’t buy them because if they’re in the house, I will eat them all.

Amber’s Questions

1. If you could have gone into any profession (apart from being a mom), what would you have done? I considered news anchor, personal trainer and advertising before deciding on teaching.

2. What are some items on your bucket list? Honestly, I haven’t thought too much about this. I’d like to be able to take Olivia to Disney once a year and take the whole family on a Disney Cruise. Also see the places listed above that I’d like to travel. I’d like to take my Mom to the Kentucky Derby and wear ridiculous hats.

3. Do you have a favorite color? What is it?
Bright cherry red.

4. Did you read the Hunger Games? Have you seen the movie? What did you think? (I have selfish motives behind this question)
Yes and yes and I loved them both.

5. What places, foreign and local, have you visited? What were your favorites?
US: tons of places!
Foreign: Canada and Costa Rica

Favorite so far: Colorado. Damn it’s beautiful out there.

6. Did you attend college? Why or why not?
Yes. I have my undergrad and master’s plus in secondary mathematics education.

7. What are some things you are passionate about?
My family. My friends. Reading. Music.

8. Do you read parenting books?
No. I threw those away when Olivia was born.

9. Any book/movie recommendations?
Tons! Go watch the movie 50/50 and read 50 Shades of Grey so we can talk about it! (In private, of course. )

10. Serious or funny?
Funny!!!

11. Preferred music genre?
Anything. I’m currently obsessed with Lionel Richie’s new album and Gotye. Give me Gotye!!!

My Questions:

1.) Dog or cat?

2.) Wine or beer?

3.) What book are you reading right now?

4.) Song you are currently obsessed with?

5.) What’s your favorite way to spend time with your friends?

6.) Besides sex, your favorite way to spend time with your husband?

7.) Why did you start blogging?

8.) Name a blog you read every day. (Or try to anyway)

9.) Facebook?

10.) Twitter?

And last but not least, I’m tagging anyone who wants to play along. I hope you’ll use this on a day when your brain needs a break! (Let me know if you do so I don’t miss it!)

Every now and then, I have a really bad Olivia’s Mom day. It usually happens when I least expect it which makes it worse. If she’s going to a birthday party, or a school event, I prepare myself for the fact that she’s different and might get overwhelmed and behave in a way that is upsetting and exhausting.

The worst ones are when I don’t see it coming. Saturday was one of those days.

We went to see Sesame Street Live with friends and my Mom and we were both so excited for it. She acted like a total pill—-crying, pinching, kicking, screaming. She was really upset, which made me really upset. Towards the end of the show I figured out that she was mad because she wanted to hug and dance with the characters. Elmo wasn’t paying attention to her and she was pissed.

It’s not important, really, what happened or why she was upset because she was fine. My Mom and I calmed her down, she enjoyed herself and it wasn’t that bad…for her. But it was one of the roughest days I’ve had in a while as far as being her Mom goes. Sometimes it just hits you. Hard.

She’s disabled. She doesn’t act like a normal 11-year-old. It’s difficult, really difficult, being her Mom sometimes. She’s exhausting. Watching the little typical 2-year-old girls dance and sing and know that, more than likely, they’ll grow up without issues, and you wish that your precious girl would have had that chance too. Then you remember that it’s not just a phase, it’s going to be like this forever, and you become despondent. At least I do. And then I have horrible guilt over these feelings. Because I love her more than anything in the world. Just the way she is. I don’t know how I’d survive without her. But the feelings are real and I felt them and it makes me feel terrible.

But it passes. It does. I get a hug from Matt and he tells me it will be ok. I cry with my friend and somehow she gets it…even though she doesn’t have a child with special needs. I hug Olivia tighter, tell her I love her and know that tomorrow will be a different day. I remind myself that it’s really ok, and probably normal, to have these feelings…it’s really ok to have a rough patch.

I love her dearly, she knows it, and that’s all that matters.