36

I am 36-years-old today.

I sit here thinking I should feel differently by now.

Shouldn’t I be wiser? Shouldn’t I be ultra comfortable in my own skin? Shouldn’t I be calm and serene? Shouldn’t I at least like myself a little bit?

And then I think to myself that is exactly what my problem is these days.

My stupid, unrealistic expectations.

Who says you have to be wise by now? Who says you have to be calm? Who says I have to be perfect?

Me. And that’s the problem.

As a present to myself, I’m really going to work on letting go of my expectations and unrealistic ideals that I hold myself to. I want to like myself for the first time in all of my 36 years.

Big zit in the middle of your forehead? Happens to everyone. Gained some weight and your clothes are a little tight? It happens; you’ll work on it. House isn’t clean? The dirt will still be there tomorrow. Students that don’t give a shit and are failing your class? One teacher can only do so much. Gabe’s emotional and a little argumentative? Hug him tighter and be confident he knows you’re there for him. Olivia’s still not potty-trained at home? Keep trying. Mathew didn’t get enough attention today? He did and he knows you love him. You haven’t had any time alone with Matt in ages? Just hang out on porch drinking some wine tonight. The laundry is piled up? The kids don’t really need it folded and put away in their drawers anyway. Hot dogs and processed crap for dinner one night? Everyone will live. Not a lot of extra money in the budget each month? We’re doing better than most. New wrinkles around your mouth? You’re alive.

Easier said than done, I know. But I’m working on it. Really working on it. And I think it just be the best gift I’ve ever given to myself.

To just be and know that I am truly who I’m supposed to be and that is enough.

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15 responses to “36

  1. You are awesome! Someone I think of as a blogging friend and am glad to know you, even if it’s via the ol’ internet. Happy, happy birthday!

  2. I hope you can truly give this gift to yourself. You deserve it! I still reread your “What If” post to remind myself of those same things. I am 39 in 2 months. I might have to give myself the same gift :o)

  3. I always thought I would have it all together and on top of it all at age 30. I’m turning 36 this year too and still working on it.
    Hope you have a wonderful birthday.

  4. Happy birthday!!!!!!!

  5. Thank you ! I needed to hear that today!

  6. Happy birthday to you! I love your gift to yourself. I need to give that same gift to myself, the gift of loving the person that I am right this second, not the person I think I should be.

  7. Happy birthday! Love the gift to yourself, you are an amazing person!

  8. These are great reminders to us all. You are not alone in these feelings. You are beautiful. You are amazing. You are giving yourself a great gift. The happiest of birthdays to you and a toast to the fantastic year to come!

  9. Hugs, hugs and a happy, happy birthday to you! xo

  10. I’m 34 and I have that thought all the time! Aren’t I supposed to be a grown up now? Because I still feel young and stupid and yet, what is that on my face? An age spot? I’m not there yet. I definitely get what you are saying!

  11. Happy Birthday, a few days later! You are still so young, but what a wealth of wisdom…

  12. I turn 50 this fall. My biggest wish is to be happy reaching my first half century mark. I’m close..

    Happy Belated Birthday, I hope you had a fabulous celebration.

  13. Happy Belated Birthday!! You are an amazing human being, an inspiration to many. What most of us fail to realize including myself is that we are all perfect in our own unique way.

  14. Pingback: Change | Elastamom's Excerpts

  15. Happy Belated Birthday to you Tiffany! I know it is easy to be hard on yourself, but your fears and doubts are something we all feel from time to time. xoxo

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