Is It Just Me?

I sit in a room of 80 people and I know every single one of them but I feel left out and alone.

There are days when I’d do just about anything not to have to get out of bed and deal with the day.

I am so tired that I think I’m dying…but I don’t Google it.

If I could just lose 10 lbs, get a new pair of shoes, go shopping, get my nails done, whatever, I’ll feel better.

I think I need to go talk to a psychiatrist…but when on Earth would I fit that in? Plus, do I really need one or would it be a waste? Maybe I just need new meds? Or a break? Or a good night’s sleep? Or an attitude adjustment?

I feel like I could have been a better Mom that day. But I just don’t see how. I’m totally spent.

I just want to spend time alone with my husband. And not at Costco.

I want more time with my kids on some days and I want them to go away so I can be alone on other days.

I feel like I’m not enough. For anyone. For me.

I’m tired of worrying about everything and everyone all the time.

I can’t keep up with everything. I can’t remember all the dates, appointments, projects and homework assignments. I just can’t.

I need to say no. Way more often.

I’ve got to just be. I’ve got to just enjoy right now because it’s all I’ve got. I can’t worry about this afternoon even. Just right now.

Is it just me?

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16 responses to “Is It Just Me?

  1. I think as women, and particularly as wives and mothers, most of us feel this way on a pretty regular basis. I know I do. Some days it seems that the ever-widening chasm between where I am and where I want to be is impossible to bridge. That I have fallen so short of my ideals.

    You, my dear friend, are the queen of high expectations. And much of the time you live up to them…the goals you set and reach constantly amaze me.

    For me there is one answer on days like this…and that is to go peek in on each of my sleeping sweeties. To ignore anything left undone in the day and to focus on what is right.

    The house…the job…the responsibilities…they will all be there tomorrow.

    Sleep has an amazing way of re-centering me…realigning my perspective. I vote for a good nights sleep.

    For the record, you ARE an amazing wife, mom, friend, daughter, special-needs advocate, administrator, teacher…I could go on and on…you wear too many hats to list.

    And you’re entitled to a down day every once in a while.

    Be kind to yourself, Tiffany. You deserve it. And always remember the beauty that I, and others, see in you.

    Praying for a peaceful sleep!

  2. Whoever that Beth is that commented above me, she’s a keeper. Yes, yes, and yes to everything she said. Sleep. Ignore. Hug. Try again for patience and (near) perfection tomorrow.

    And, maybe, one day, when we’re feeling like this, the two of us can go hide at Starbucks with our Harry Potter book of choice and discuss when exactly we knew Snape was really a good guy or what it would be like to stand on Platform 9 3/4. =>

  3. Its not just you – you described me spot on there and I’m guessing most mothers feel that way. except I dont think you need to lose 10 pounds… you have a slammin bod!

  4. It is not just you. Every single point was liek you were talking about me. HUgs and get yourself a nice cup of something warm. I’m off to make a cup of hot tea and forget it all for 5 mins. Look after yourself xx

  5. In the middle of December I was where you are right now. The issues with Joe’s cancer from March finally caught up with me. Many people said it was about time and wondered when I would break down.
    It will get better. Many people told me that and I did not see how but a week of feeling better and I can tell you it will get better.
    I did have my meds changed. I’m seeing a counselor. I’m getting a massage every two weeks (great person in Sylvania if you are interested). I’m praying and listening to God. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist (start now because a takes a few weeks to be seen). I’m getting more sleep. I have let the floors be dirty for more than a week. I’m letting my Mom and mother-in-law fold laundry even if it means I’ll find it done different. I have said no and stepped back from a lot of things.

    Much like the directions when boarding a plane about putting on your own oxygen mask before helping others, you need to take care of yourself first before you can take care of others.

  6. I feel the same way. I guess it’s just a normal feeling of being a mom/wife (something nobody told me about!)

    Some days I feel like Super Mom and some days I feel like my kids ate too much junk food, watched too much tv, didn’t have enough one-on-one time with me, etc. The list goes on and on. Just yesterday I yelled at Grace because she was too slow at putting on her shoes and socks and wouldn’t let me help her… she cried and of course I felt guilty… I need to remember that she is soooo independent and since I can’t help her, she just needs to start putting on her shoes an hour before we leave somewhere ;)

    I am in desperate need of a date night- like you said “Not at Cosco”…. I want to go out, have some drinks and come home late. Enough of these Sunday afternoon dates! Now just need to call a babysitter!

    I love how you are real in your writing. Don’t be too hard on yourself- I KNOW you are an awesome mom! (Just re-read your blog if you don’t believe me :) )

  7. Well, I can confirm that it isn’t just you, because I feel this way too sometimes. I did start going to counseling (even though there are so many other things I need to be doing with that time), but I find I feel better when I have someone to talk to, someone to help me sort out and deal with my emotions. I think moms bear a super heavy load and sometimes we need a little help in carrying it :-)

  8. There are so many days I feel the same way. I wonder if talking with someone would be helpful for me too, but worry if I talk with a therapist, it would somehow interfere with my son’s treatment. Dumb I know, but I still resist.

  9. Of dear friend please know that you are not alone! I think many of us are perfectionists in some way and set these crazy goals that we for some reason feel so totally obligated in fulfilling every single day. And the sad part is we leave ourselves out of these goals most of the time or push our personal goals to the back of the list. I feel this way more than I would like to admit but again I am only human trying to live a super human lifestyle. As moms we manage to accomplish more than what seems humanly possible but we don’t slow down enough to give ourselves credit for all we do. It’s tough being a woman, mom, friend etc. Know that it’s “normal” to feel this way for many of us.

  10. Like everyone else, I will confirm that it’s not just you. But also like some of the previous comments, I’ll say that sometimes, sleep really is the best medicine. It brings things into focus, lets me see the reality instead of the ugly that I see when I’m tired.

    I hope you get a break soon, some time to yourself to just be in the here and now. We all desperately need that every so often.

  11. I think we have all felt that we aren’t enough at one point or another. No sage advice here, but sending some positive vibes your way. Hang in there. xoxo

  12. Everyone above has offered great words of understanding and support. I’ll simple say, even us men feel that way sometimes. I have been in a crowded room and have often wondered if I were to yell…would anyone hear me? I guess I’m still waiting for someone to really hear me. We all have our highs and lows, fortunately the highs outnumber the lows.

  13. You will be a better mom, wife, sister, daughter, etc, and nicer to yourself if you find the one hour a week to get to a counselor. You need it – i say that with all the love I have for you (and its a lot). You have a wonderful life, and I know you are grateful for it, but dude, we had some shitty times. And we’ve had a couple of rough years.
    You are way too hard on yourself – in all aspects of your life :) I love you!

  14. Date night not at Costco… I long for that too. You’re not alone sweetie. You’re in a big boat with some amazing people. Love you.

  15. Oh, sweetie. It’s not just you. You’re an incredible mom who is stretched so thin. It’s amazing what you are able to accomplish and how much love you are able to give. Save a little of that love for you. You are worthy. Big hugs to you!

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