**To catch up on this Flashback Series, please click on the link at the top of the page.**
She survived her first day alone…with help from her Mom of course. He was hardly ever home between student teaching and working full-time at night. Over the next few weeks She would be inundated with visitors who wanted to meet Baby Girl. While She was thrilled that there were so many people who wanted to meet Her little one, it was also very stressful. She just could not get the words “Cri du Chat Syndrome” to come out of her mouth. She just couldn’t. She didn’t even know the “special needs” term at that point. People would come visit and She would be DESPERATE have the dam break and let the words out. To get support or pity or whatever people offered to someone like her. She should take it but She just couldn’t. So She spent the next few weeks feeling like a big fat fraud. Like a liar. Like a pretender. It was just easier to pretend as if everything was ok for the hour or so that someone was there to visit instead of having to admit that your soul was damaged to its core.
There were a couple of friends and extended family that She tried it out on. Her Grandpa wondered if Baby Girl would grow out of it. Another friend acted as if She had just farted and the room smelled bad. Another said, “Well, I guess you’re just going to have to be SuperMom now.” No one said what She needed to hear. But truthfully, She didn’t know what She needed to hear. She took Baby Girl to work to visit and show her off and told no one. If Baby Girl would happen to cry when She was around people they would always comment on how it sounded just like a kitten. She would just say “I know…isn’t it cute?”
She had to take Baby Girl to a slew of doctor’s visits. She hated those. It was as if She had birthed a circus freak and all sorts of “experts” wanted to view the baby, prod her, test her, look at her, dissect her and She just couldn’t take it. Was this what life was going to be like from now on? One appointment after the next where She knew more than they did? On Her second visit to the pediatrician not only did She not get to see Baby Girl’s regular pediatrician, but She had to spell the syndrome for the DOCTOR and pronounce it, She had to answer all sorts of asinine questions about the syndrome too. Um, Hello? You’re the doctor here! You’re supposed to be helping us!! The doctor’s office also provided Her no help or information whatsoever on what She should be doing to help Baby Girl. Her Mom’s friend, who happened to have a son with Down Syndrome, had been way more helpful than any of the “experts” She had encountered. She decided to look for a new pediatrician. Stat.
And because of all this craziness, She hid. She didn’t go anywhere that wasn’t absolutely necessary. She stayed at home in her little bubble and pretended as if She was just a Mom with just a baby and nothing was wrong. They would watch Regis and Kelly and Days of Our Lives and Trading Spaces and Oprah and play on the floor and pump and feed and change diapers and nap and read and pretend as if everything was ok. They lived for Him coming home or Mom stopping by. Those two knew what was really going on. Those two were the only ones in the world She could be real with. She lived for those visits. They were what got her through. That and the television.
She felt so alone.